Major League Soccer's New Recruiting Videos Target Perceived Weakness Of International Players

NEW YORK - Major League Soccer announed that their new recruiting videos would target the perceived weakeness of international players in a move called, "negging" in order to make the international players fall in love with the league.

"If you are gonna attract the best, you should crap on them as they leave you. That way they will want to come back"

"If you are gonna attract the best, you should crap on them as they leave you. That way they will want to come back"

"We hope to really be able to make the metaphorical panties of international players drop," stated DJ COOLZ FALCONBLA$T, Major League Soccer's manager of transfer acquisitions and funky mixed drinks.

"We use the negging strategy because we have to undermine the confidence of these international players if we want to get them to sign with the league. These players have high confidence and we gotta come in all with the, 'hey baby, you are total shit and you should feel bad and you should come play for Major League Soccer' technique in order to get them in our metaphorical bed. This technique is going to work, we just gotta try it out."

Major League Soccer released their first attempt at post-career negging with the recent video for Nigel de Jong where the league purposefully tore down the departing player in an attempt to make him feel like he wanted back in the league.

"This is only part one," stated DJ COOLZ FALCONBLA$T. "We are releasing a whole video series about current players. The next one after Nigel will be a video aimed at Steven Gerrard in an attempt to keep him from retiring. The title of the video is, 'you ain't won shit, you hack' and it will just show all of his fails including the infamous slip. It's gonna be great."

The Nutmeg News will have more from DJ COOLZ FALCONBLA$T as he shows us a really great passionfruit mojito.