5 Click Bait Photos as we write a click bait title that indicates something about soccer reflective of some hot button topic currently raging on twitter.
All photos will be on their own individual page requiring you to click from one to the next so that you never make it to #5 because by the time you make it to #3 the site has basically stopped working due to all the ads.
#1 Some terrible summation about Cascadia
We start with Cascadia because this way we will get more views. The Timbers fans will claim we ignored them, and the Sounders fans will use this as a way to feel superior to their counterparts and we will ignore the Whitecaps because most publications simply don't have time to write about Canada. The copyright for the photo is in the lower right but since we got this on wikipedia we will just skip that whole deal because no one is getting paid from this piece that contributed to it, just like the SB Nation blogs that intentionally utilize unpaid amateurs for content without giving anything to them but some slight publicity and a way to spew out the things that bother them.
-- ADVERTISEMENT FEATURING SKIMPY MODELS SELLING SOMETHING --
We now post a picture and some blurb about the growth of the NWSL, but featuring Alex Morgan in a USWNT kit because that allows our website to feel like it is catering to equality while appealing for all the followers of Morgan's cult of celebrity and the weird people who over sexualize her to click on the link. It's important for this picture and description to follow the aforementioned skimpy model advertisement as a perfect show of the hypocrisy of our website. We will defray this controversy by claiming, "WE DON'T HAVE CONTROL OVER THE CONTENT OF OUR ADVERTISEMENTS," even though we obviously do.
-- ADVERTISEMENT FOR PYRAMID SCHEME -
You love them, you hate them! We make a comment about them! We generalize! Flag Cape Bros spouting racial slurs! Either Way! CLICK CLICK CLICK!
Here is where we talk about the NASL for five seconds even though we never really consistently cover them outside of this click bait article. We also incorrectly use a graphic featuring teams that are no longer in existence. This, in and of itself, generates traffic from outraged fans that tell us "YOU HAVE THE WRONG GRAPHIC".
We leave the graphic up for that simple reason alone.
-- ADVERTISEMENT FOR TERRIBLE BEER --
#5 PRO/REL FOR USA CONSPIRACY THEORY
We use a picture from England and the Wimbledon situation because it is more authentic and it evokes a culture desperate to be aped in North America. We throw out controversial statements and pitch a conspiracy theory that isn't in any way true but sounds comforting. Without directly stating that we support Promotion and Relegation we frame an argument theoretically supporting both having it and not so that we don't get in trouble. This simple thing alone drives traffic to tell us how wrong we are from both sides of the argument.
We also use the word Football only on this particular photo.
-- ADVERTISEMENT FOR OUR CLOTHING LINE AGAIN --
ABRUPT ENDING LEAVING YOU FEELING DEEP LEVELS OF DISSATISFACTION