Jort Cannon Leads To Competing Promotions

Acknowledging the success of the Detroit City FC Jort Cannon, competing NPSL sides in the area have started offering other ideas for a promotional giveaway

Photo from Detroit City FC twitter and Jon Deboer Photography - http://jondeboer.com/

Photo from Detroit City FC twitter and Jon Deboer Photography - http://jondeboer.com/

The Nutmeg News spoke to Lansing United ownership who showed TNN Reporters their prototype for their new "Elephant Ear" cannon they plan on using to distribute fried goods to the stands.

"We hope that this will enter our team into a new epoch of fried good delivery service directly to your face from the field," stated Lansing United owner Jeremy Sampson. "All you need to do is raise your hand and you will have a freshly fired and fresh fried piping hot elephant ear in your mouth via compressed air. We feel that everyone loves the Elephant Ear and it reflects the storied history of Lansing."

As well, Grand Rapids FC announced their new delivery service for Yesterdogs as they greased up the tube of their new Yesterdog delivery system and relish canon.

"We plan on making certain that anyone who wants a Yesterdog at a Grand Rapids game will be able to get one regardless of their location in the crowd. We will also have our Relish canon which is retrofitted to produce relish in an orgiastic spray that douses the entire stands with satistfying goodness. It can also be used for ketchup. It's going to be like Family Double Dare in the stands."

Grand Rapids FC stadium staff preparing for the upcoming debut of the Relish Canon.

Grand Rapids FC stadium staff preparing for the upcoming debut of the Relish Canon.

AFC Ann Arbor also announced a jello shot cannon and student loan mortar in an effort to attract more of the University of Michigan fans that mill around outside the stadium.

"We felt that we could attract Michigan students to create a more energetic atmosphere while also providing a community service to those in need by firing vouchers for student loans out of a specialty constructed mortar," stated Cora Essenmacher, director of Soccer Operations. "The jello shot canon starts first, to bring in the fraternities and then the student loan mortar fires at the half after they have a bit of a buzz. This way they aren't entire certain what happens, but at least they will be able to pay for their $1500 poly-sci book."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as the Relish canon misfires creating an unsightly slip n slide on the field.