Miami FC Announce Kits And Tits Promotion

Miami, FL - Miami FC have announced a new Kits and Tits promotion for their upcoming home game.

 "The best thing about the NASL is that I get older and the girls stay the same age. HUBBA HUBBA"

"The best thing about the NASL is that I get older and the girls stay the same age. HUBBA HUBBA"

The Nutmeg News spoke with Miami FC president Riccardo Silva about the new promotion.

"There is nothing more erotic than soccer and a half naked woman. That's why Miami FC are implementing our Kits and Tits giveaway for our upcoming home game against the Tampa Bay Rowdies. We are inviting all the fraternities from Florida International University down to the field to hose down some ample bosom women that we recruited from Wonderland Miami and whoever has the Miami FC (TM) Best Chest 2016 wins their team a free kit."

Reportedly, fraternities from FIU will be required to only use Miami FC branded super soakers as a way to hose down the co-ed of their choice.

Mr Silva stated, "We hired Dan Cortez and Daisy Fuentes to host the event and we will have an UGG-O-METER to determine if the women are pretty enough or should be dumped into a vat of Miami FC Astroglide Lube Of Shame (TM). Honestly, we are thinking of just cancelling the game and hosting a rave and spring break in the middle of the pitch. It's going to be great. We also picked up 200 gallons of edible body paint for our upcoming Miami FC RUB AND TUG event where our Strippers will be painted up and forced to pass the paint by rubbing themselves against a Miami FC fan."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Miami FC obtain a full-time sexual harassment lawyer on staff.