Reporter Uses "Spotlight" Oscar Win To Justify Terrible Soccer Reporting

Boston, MA - Boston Globe employee Dan Portnoy used the Academy Award winning film Spotlight to justify his horrible soccer journalism on Monday morning.

 "WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT JURGEN KLINSMANN TWEET?! IS JERMAINE JONES INSTAGRAM ACCOUNT SEXY?!"

"WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT JURGEN KLINSMANN TWEET?! IS JERMAINE JONES INSTAGRAM ACCOUNT SEXY?!"

"Real journalists make a difference," stated Mr. Portnoy on his twitter account before he began his day by summarizing what happened on soccer twitter as though it was somehow news.

"I'm here in the office with the Boston Globe making a difference on soccer just like those guys that busted the sex scandal with the Archdiocese who worked a few cubicles over. The only difference is that instead of reporting on child molesters, I'm taking things that supporters, fans, rumor accounts and other reporters stated on twitter, summarizing them, and releasing the information as my own news on my own portal online."

While many people would call this the laziest form of journalism you could possibly imagine Mr. Portnoy, unsurprisingly, disagrees.

"Soccer journalism is all about finding things that other people already wrote, theorized, summarized or examined, and then reporting on their reporting. It's all about finding that Steve Goff is reporting on Charlie Horton joining DC United and then re-reporting that Charlie Horton is joining DC United by referencing Steve Goff's account.  It's all about reporting on the Bent Musket reporting on Jermaine Jones, reporting on his experience with the Revolution and then not crediting the appropriate people when necessary so that it appears I'm doing my job. It's hard out there for a person invested primarily in content dissemination, but I'm here for the people, just like those that do actual credible work, by finding the stories that get the most re-tweets on twitter and talking about them."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Mr. Portnoy writes a 150 word column with a 20 picture slideshow with 5 advertising breaks in it about what the New England Revolution players and staff thinks about the bear in The Revenant.