Fans began to gather early, this spring, for the annual Shitting Of The Bed, a yearly Major League Soccer tradition that begins when the first robin flying around a bent ball over Chad Marshall's head sees a Mexican team score.
"It's going to be glorious this year," stated Dolores Stanbridge of King County. "The plumage, the flight pattern of the ball, the players falling down, the inability of our own players to hold a lead, why this might be a banner year for the spring shitting of the bed."
With eager CONCACAF'ers gathering to witness the migratory event of teams from Mexico travelling north, displacing teams from the United States and Canada and returning to their nest with shiny objects, many are waiting for the next round of migratory events with binoculars in hand.
"I'm interested to see the wild plumage of the new Tigres," stated CONCACAF'er Yancey Hargood of Wasatch County. "What we have here is the annual tradition of watching all our teams bottle it against better teams with better players, but here in Salt Lake City we call this the OhNo Of The Bed."
While many fans have gathered to individually watch their teams shit the bed, many have gathered together in so-called watch parties to commiserate as their teams slowly fall apart against Mexican teams in usually spectacular fashion.
"We gathered here, together, to watch DC United fight it out for 70 minutes against the wild Querétaro," stated D.C. United watch party host Thomas Lubjac. "Supposedly the endangered Querétaro is also awful, but that didn't seem to prevent them from putting two goals up on us. The good news is that our branding is on point, our logo is fresh, and we may or may not have a stadium at some point in the next 7 years.... and that's really all that matters."
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as other teams raise the hope of United States CONCACAFers before shitting the bed, again, in spectacular fashion.