Pine Hills, FL - Area parents, Ricky and LaShaun DeMichaels staged an intervention for their son Robert after he was caught watching four Major League Soccer pre-season game streams this weekend.
"Rob, we need to talk about your problem," stated LaShaun DeMichaels after both parents assured Robert that they loved him and that they... that the family were concerned.
"At first you just dabbled in USL streams and that seemed infrequent. At least it was social use and regular season games, but this is just getting out of hand now," stated Ricky DeMichaels. "Your sisters are concerned, I'm concerned, your grandparents are concerned."
While Robert DeMichaels sat stone faced attempting to not reflexively check his twitter account to see what the score was in the late Portland Timbers v Minnesota United game, his parents continued to try to break through to him.
"Rob, we love you and we all just want the best for you," stated Mr DeMichaels. "Pre-season games are unhealthy. This is just unnatural. Can't you see the hurt that you are causing to your friends? They used to talk to you about Cristiano Ronaldo and Lionel Messi but now all you want to talk about is whether or not Donadel from Montreal is going to be a difference maker based on his minutes during the pre-season game against DC United and whether Brek Shea can recapture the form before his move to Stoke. THIS IS KILLING YOUR FATHER, ROB!"
After finishing their speech regarding their concerns, Robert DeMichaels gave some condescending platitudes about slowing down his pre-season MLS consumption before speaking to his soccer dealer on the phone about starting an Orlando City podcast.