LOS ANGELES - Derryk Talari, a 35 year old manchild, was recently hailed as a paragon of perfect soccer journalism by his peers online after another of his hard hitting but truthful pieces about the state of soccer in the United States was published on his blog, SeriousSoccer.com
Talari, who lives with his parents and spent the last 40 hours playing the World Of Warcraft: Legion expansion online while hammer fisting Mountain Dew, eating pizza rolls and asking his mom to not mix his underwear up with the bright colors, is often included in the discussion of the best soccer journalists in the United States for his unflinching and independent discussion brought to the game.
"I have a lot of time to watch the game," stated Talari to The Nutmeg News. "Between my Raids online and my repeat listening to YYZ for an essay that I'm emailing over to Pitchfork, I tend to watch soccer games at home for analysis. I also try to keep up with all the information on social media, which helps color my opinion."
Talari's peers judge him solely on his twitter persona and his blog which they view as an excellent watchdog on the state of soccer in North America as they hail his ability to flush out even the most microscopic of details from the minuscule information out there.
"Talari is a god," stated soccer fan David Henderson. "I don't know how he does it. Between my job and the kids and the commitments I have on the weekend, I have just enough time to squeeze in one game. Then, bam, here comes Talari with an in depth discussion on the tactical alignment and reinvention of the Puerto Rico Islanders. It's amazing."
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Talari utilizes his internet fame to run a vague soccer kickstarter that funds his ability to purchase an Oculus Rift.