Major League Soccer Releases New Playoff Video Detailing, "How To Use Your Hands During A Game"

NEW YORK - Major League Soccer (MLS) today released a new playoff video dedicated to educating their ignorant fan-base on what to do with their hands during the upcoming MLS playoff games on the 26th and 27th of October.

This video is for people who have passed remedial cheering 101 and advanced profanity 202.

This video is for people who have passed remedial cheering 101 and advanced profanity 202.

"Your hands are attached to your arms," states the video produced by Major League Soccer. "And you can use them for many things during a game!"

Reportedly, the video tells fans that they can use their hands to clap, to point, to show something, to celebrate, and to castigate but in a upstanding and understanding way.

"You too can have a purpose with your hands that you never thought would be possible," states the 105 minute long video narrated by a hologram of Orson Welles. "A fine thing to do with your hands is to gesticulate, but not in a profane way. No fan should use their hands for ill deeds."

The Nutmeg News will have more when the Philadelphia Union release a video titled, "Urinals and You Part 4: Appropriate approaches and stream mitigation for needy bladders."