Journalist Successfully Writes "Pato To MLS" Column Without Using Words "Mountain Of Cocaine"

Journalist Sam Brownbent successfully wrote a 1000 world column on Alexandre Pato going to Major League Soccer without using the phrase, "Mountain Of Cocaine" or referencing euphemisms like "partying" and "enjoys the nightlife".

 There's an MLS club in Miami? It's owned by David Beckham? Like South Beach Miami? Like Don Johnson Miami? Excellent.

There's an MLS club in Miami? It's owned by David Beckham? Like South Beach Miami? Like Don Johnson Miami? Excellent.

The Nutmeg News interviewed Mr Brownbent at his house in Worcester, Massachusetts about this achievement. 

"I'm pretty proud of this day and my achievement on this day" said Mr Brownbent "I was struggling throughout the whole column to really find a way to reference his potential character issues and the ways in which this would completely impact Major League Soccer wanting to take a flyer on a player like him. I managed to make it through an entire column without referencing any of that at all. I was able to completely frame the conversation about how his lack of recent success makes him less of a candidate to do well in the league."

While Mr Brownbent did manage to avoid using the words booger sugar and Peruvian marching powder he was unable to avoid using the word potential.

"Yeah, that's the difficult part about Pato, because he is all potential" said Brownbent. "His legacy is one of eternal potential, until he gets to 31, and then it is all missed-potential. While many in the European scene think he has missed having a great career, in MLS terms he is still an infant at 26. He could absolutely be picked up and playing for millions of dollars for a team in Miami in a few years. How well he is playing, though, is the question."

The Nutmeg News will have more on Pato's rumors with MLS as he continues to flit around Brazil on loan.