Managers Admit, "It's Virtually Impossible To Get Fired In This League"

With the Major League Soccer (MLS) season winding down, managers the league over are reveling in their ability to survive an epic shit storm of results and keep their job.

Colorado Rapids head coach, Pablo Mastroeni, had the following to say, "This job is a dream. We have only won 8 games this entire year, and we have been completely inept offensively and yet I haven't been fired! I'm planning on rolling an 'injury bug' and 'inconsistent lineup' excuse right on into 2016"

 I drink your milkshake.... I drink it up.... I also coach your team to a 34 points season with 6 games left to go. STILL GOT A JOB!

I drink your milkshake.... I drink it up.... I also coach your team to a 34 points season with 6 games left to go. STILL GOT A JOB!

Frank Yallop of the Chicago Fire was equally ecstatic, "No one here knows what they are doing. I'm just holding on and watching my 401k bloom. It's a heady time here, only one manager fired the entire season? We live in amazing times. More than half the league gets rewarded for mediocrity so why not hold on to us, we are just one hot striker away from getting you undeservedly into the playoffs!"

TNN also spoke with Jim Curtin of the Philadelphia Union about his season, "Wonderfull. We have 5 games left, we have a -11 goal differential and we have been spared the bottom of the league by the dumpster fires in Chicago and New York. If I can somehow pull out a win in the US Open Cup I'll probably get a 10 year contract extension. I'm THIS close to earning MLS tenure! I'm about to start sewing patches onto my coaching blazers."

 I once played with only 9 players for 3 straight games and no one noticed!  Everybody thought we played better during those games! UN-FIREABLE!

I once played with only 9 players for 3 straight games and no one noticed!  Everybody thought we played better during those games! UN-FIREABLE!

While Jeff Cassar equally had some bombastic things to say, "Aint nobody getting fired! Who cares! I mean, it's all about continuity.... right? WINK WINK! Just tell the owners that everything is about continuity at all times, in every way. We love when journalists tell the owners that. You don't win by firing managers all the time, people. I don't care if they lead you to a 9 win season where you have a -16 road goal differential and more people bailing on the team than the Lusitania. MLS! Playoffs! 2015! Who cares!"

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as these coaches are fired by one investor group and hired by another investor group and then repeated in the next 4 years.