Portland, OR - In an attempt at proving equality between men and women, the Portland Thorns managed to shit the bed in front of a sellout crowd of over 21,000 fans on Wednesday night proving that Women's soccer can be as boring as Men's soccer.
"Our goal was to prove that we are all the same" said Thorns midfielder McCall Zerboni "We wanted to show that we can collectively shit the bed with regards to play and coaching just like the men. I think we stomped it out of the park."
While the opponent on the evening, the Seattle Reign, dominated the game in nearly every aspect on the night the Thorns fans tried to be happy just being there.
"I really wish that they had a bigger autograph table and some more face painting." said Stephen Brooks from Portland, OR.
"The more beer I drink, the more entertaining this game gets." said Lucy Rander from Beaverton, OR.
"I actually don't remember more than five minutes of the game, mostly because I was talking to friends, running errands, taking care of the kid and getting food. To be fair, it sounds like I didn't miss anything." said Timothy Ponderson of Vancouver, WA.
"This game is just awful, but the crowd is great. I'm having a good time not having a good time. I'm very confused about this whole thing." said Barbara Hawthorne of Salem, OR.
While the Thorns may not have capitalized on the swell of numbers from the Women's World
Cup, they did manage to obtain their participation ribbons on the night.
"What we were able to prove is that we are equal to anyone of any gender here in Portland. At least off the field and in the stands, where I was. Just like Nationwide, it IS on your side. Have you thought about your insurance options today? You should look at Nationwide." said forward Alex Morgan.
The Nutmeg News was able to talk to Kim Little of the Seattle Reign about the game and the crowd on Wednesday night and she had the following to say.
"Well, congratulations to them for getting such a big crowd. All I know is that I scored a goal and we won. We are 8 points clear of them and they are near the bottom. But they did have a great crowd, so they have that going for them.... which is nice."