Missing Minnesota United Reserves Found Attending NPSL Executive Clown College

Minneapolis, MN -- The missing Minnesota United reserves that caused the team to forfeit the final game of the season against the Indiana Fire simultaneously screwing FC Buffalo out of an NPSL playoff position were found attending the NPSL clown college and seminary on Thursday morning.

In This Photo: The 2015 graduating class of NPSL executives

In This Photo: The 2015 graduating class of NPSL executives

"We decided to let the United Reserves forfeit a few games here or there to continue on their studies to become NPSL executives through our Clown College accreditation program." said NPSL Chairman Of The Board Joe Barone. "Granted, FC Buffalo were completely screwed by the simple fact that a team certified to play in our competition didn't have enough players to actually show up, but that's the way the cookie crumbles. I mean they are Minnesota United reserves, they need to figure out a way to have gainful employment cause they aren't making it to the big leagues any time soon."

While no one can blame the Indiana Fire, FC Buffalo has issued a press release stating that they are just happy that the missing Minnesota United Reserve players were found.

"While we got totally screwed because an organization that is supposedly going to go 'Major League' couldn't even manage to field a competent reserve team that would fulfill their commitments to playing a game with honor and integrity while simultaneously just actually existing, we find it difficult to hold a grudge. After all, just because Minnesota United and the Minnesota United reserves are a piece of shit, doesn't mean that we have to perpetually hold a grudge."

The NPSL board had the following to say, "We just don't care. Does anyone?"

In a similar fashion, The Nutmeg News can report that Minnesota United apparently entered a team in the WAKA kickball league but had to pull out after two games because they just couldn't convince enough employees to show up.  

The Nutmeg News will have more on this issue as it continues to develop.