USMNT to play Vietnam, AO organizes viewing parties

Omaha, NE - At the twin unveiling of their Alamo themed Mexico poster and the announcement of an upcoming international friendly soccer match between the United States and Vietnam, the American Outlaws have announced their plans to host a viewing party. TNN met with American Outlaws representative Bruce Ternasky at the Omaha Hooters so he could go over some of the ideas that they were working on to celebrate the event and to take advantage of the happy hour $1 Jello-shots and $8 pitchers of Bud Light.

"Remember the Alamo", said jingoistic people everywhere who forget that the nascent Republic of Texas lost that battle and lost the Alamo..... Or tend to forget things like Jim Bowie being a profiteering slave trader who had renounced his US Citizenship for Mexican citizenship. Or the issue that most historians consider it extremely likely that Crockett never actually wore a coonskin cap (essentially the image used is really more like Fess Parker during the Disney series than an actual depiction of Crockett). Or the fact that utilizing the idea of the imagery of the location of the death and injury of roughly 180 to 250 soldiers on the side of the Republic of Texas and 400 to 600 Mexican soldiers to make a point in soccer is pretty unsavory. Y'know.... Basic History.

"Remember the Alamo", said jingoistic people everywhere who forget that the nascent Republic of Texas lost that battle and lost the Alamo..... Or tend to forget things like Jim Bowie being a profiteering slave trader who had renounced his US Citizenship for Mexican citizenship. Or the issue that most historians consider it extremely likely that Crockett never actually wore a coonskin cap (essentially the image used is really more like Fess Parker during the Disney series than an actual depiction of Crockett). Or the fact that utilizing the idea of the imagery of the location of the death and injury of roughly 180 to 250 soldiers on the side of the Republic of Texas and 400 to 600 Mexican soldiers to make a point in soccer is pretty unsavory. Y'know.... Basic History.

“First off I just gotta say that we are going to really kick their asses again, just like my grandpa did back in ‘62. It’s going to be a slaughter, bro. So according to AO bylaws we have to not only have a party the day of the game but we need one the day before so we’re going to go out and just get wrecked and watch a bunch of old Vietnam movies like Platoon and Saving Private Ryan to really get our blood going.

The next day is going to be ultra-intense. Our catering plan for booze is to have one keg for every 4 people and to also have screwdrivers available. We’re mixing up vodka with, you ready for it? Agent Orange Juice. Sick, right? I know. So yeah that’s all the drinks down but then we also have to have a bunch of Vietnam themed food so we’re going to fry up a bunch of Hamburger Hill Hamburgers and instead of beer nuts we’re going to make ‘Ho Chi Minh Trail Mix.’ Get this, we’re going to get a bunch of that powdered alcohol to sprinkle all over the trail mix. Genius right? We’re going to get so wrecked.”

When asked about sanitation concerns with the amount of people expected at the event Ternasky replied with: “Nah nah nah nah nah. Don’t worry about that. We got it covered. We even came up with a theme for it. So we rented out a bunch of port-o-potties and we’re going to have them out back of the building. We’re calling it “The Tour of Doodie." Ternasky then began to laugh and foam from his Bud Light reportedly came out of his nose.

We then asked about the perception that many have of this event being highly offensive. “It’s all good, bro, the war happened like 60 years ago or something. It’s not like it was 14 years ago, which was 2001, by they way in case you had forgotten.” He then stared at our TNN reporter for fifteen seconds without speaking and then continued. “Our boys are going to be going on the Tet Offensive and it’s up to us to keep the home fires burning with lots of meat piled on them.”