Colorado Rapids Already Eliminated From 2016 MLS Cup Playoffs

Denver, CO - Major League Soccer have already announced that the Colorado Rapids have been eliminated from the 2016 Major League Soccer (MLS) Cup Playoffs.

 Back when the Rapids wore green, Pepsi was a league sponsor, and the team played at Mile High Stadium. MEEEEEMORIESSSSSSSSSSSSS

Back when the Rapids wore green, Pepsi was a league sponsor, and the team played at Mile High Stadium. MEEEEEMORIESSSSSSSSSSSSS

"Based on results from the 2015 season, we just simply concluded that the Rapids do not have a chance at succeeding in the 2016 playoffs, so we eliminated them already to put them out of their misery," stated President Of Major League Soccer Mark Abbot. "We calculated all the possible variables, interviewed the current Rapids players and decided that it was important to just nip their season in the bud right now."

With the Rapids already knocked out of the playoffs in the Western Conference, it is only a matter of time before the league announces that they have eliminated the Chicago Fire as well.

Mr Abbot had a statement on this developing situation with Chicago, "We have been debating whether the Fire deserve another chance at 2016, and the arguments have been mixed. We are hoping to see something positive in the next two weeks as far as transfers go, because right now we are pretty certain they aren't making the playoffs anyway."

Despite all of these league shenanigans, MLS is not interested in decreasing the number of teams in the playoffs stating, "We, with Major League Soccer, have decided that we are just going to expand the number of teams that make the playoffs by two again so that nearly every team makes it in the playoffs except for our designated whipping boys that are going to be routinely terrible at every level, like NPSL awful. Good god we hate that stupid league."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as the Rapids release Kevin Doyle mid-season for Freddy Adu's left knee.