Dallas, TX - FC Dallas have reportedly petitioned Major League Soccer to change their name to FC Dallas Cowboys and to have their playoff game against the Portland Timbers be on Thanksgiving.
The Nutmeg News spoke to Dallas Morning News editor Ramon Prandella about this petition and he had the following to say, "GOD. SOCCER. I DON'T CARE!"
Reportedly, FC Dallas have done this at a desperate bid for relevancy in their local market as according to a local researcher of Dallas sports culture, "Nobody knows what the hell is going on. Over 30% of fans at FC Dallas games think they are at a Sidekicks game and wonder why they are outside. They keep on asking where Tatu is in the lineup."
"Good god anything we can do to be associated the Cowboys brand will be great for us" said FC Dallas CEO Clark Hunt. "The only way we are going to have market penetration is to glom onto the massive public relations beast known as the Cowboys. We are in talks to find a way to get on that Greg Hardy never ending publicity circle jerk without the whole beating your wife escapade. We are thinking of framing up Ryan Hollingshead as protesting at an abortion clinic or something to get the fundamentalists on board. Look we will do anything... ANYTHING to get on board this Cowboys bandwagon."
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as the FC Dallas Cowboys pursue their next name change to FC Dallas Mavericks Sidekicks.