Underpaid MLS Players Use Insider Information With Draft Kings To Cover Bills

A number of different Major League Soccer players who are playing for the league minimum salary have confirmed to The Nutmeg News that they are utilizing the Major League Soccer partnership with Draft Kings along with their insider information from playing in the league to supplement their income.

It's not Gambling! IT ISNT! Look, just because you put money in with the expectation of winning or losing money on a sport that relies on both investigating information but also luck doesn't make it gambling. IT IS NOT GAMBLING. HOW MANY TIMES DO WE HAVE TO SAY THIS.

It's not Gambling! IT ISNT! Look, just because you put money in with the expectation of winning or losing money on a sport that relies on both investigating information but also luck doesn't make it gambling. IT IS NOT GAMBLING. HOW MANY TIMES DO WE HAVE TO SAY THIS.

The Nutmeg News has changed the names of the players that have informed on this situation in order to protect the innocent and allow them to speak freely of their situations.

"I live in one of the biggest media markets in the world," said one North Eastern MLS player "and I barely have enough money to live. The stipends help, but honestly it isn't enough when you have people to take care of. So I noticed one day that Dax McCarty was having a little bit of trouble in practice, Luis Robles wasn't sharp, and I wasn't going to play anyway..... so I bet against a few of my fellow Red Bulls that day. I made enough money to cover a few bills and I don't care what anyone says. MLS wants to pay us fringe money, this is what we need to do to survive."

While the spectre of insider trading on Draft Kings from Draft Kings and Fanduel employees is nothing new, the advent of insider trading by athletes is something people didn't see coming.

"One time after practice I was sitting in a bathroom stall” sand one MLS player in the West, “and I saw through the tiny crack [player] walk up to a urinal, place one hand on the wall, and then grunt and sweat profusely as he peed. I knew had contracted some kind of STD. He didn't have enough time to go get it treated before game and itching his junk the whole time was going to slow him down. I found a way to parlay this information into my rent money for the month. It was great. I finally have a way of really making money from this sport instead of this low rent salary shit that the players union accepts like chumps."

While some of the stories we uncovered were fairly benign, one in particular was dramatically disturbing.

"I needed money. I've got a baby. Formula is expensive. This seemed like the perfect way to make ends meet. I know that one of our midfielders likes girls. Like really really likes girls, y'know? Picking different ladies up at bars every night? Trying to give Wilt Chamberlain a run for his money? I worked out a plan to try and set him up so I could bet against him. I paid a couple hookers for all-night service to hook up with him at his favorite bar and take him back to his place to wear him out. I was shocked when he came into the locker room the next morning fresh as a daisy. He even scored a brace of goals. My wife and I were eating ramen for a month.”

The Nutmeg News is NOT brought to you by Draft Kings.