United States Fans Ask For New Manager To Coach Same Terrible Players

After the disappointing loss to Mexico in extra time, fans of the United States Men's Team (because the United States Women won the 2015 World Cup) collectively lost their mind and screamed out for a new coach to help guide the same group of shit players with which all the coaches for the United States since nearly time immemorial have had to deal.

"We need a new coach who can somehow make our Jonathan Bornstein and Fabian Johnson players turn into Arjen Robben and Philipp Lahm," wrote @HowardFreak69USMNT on Twitter.

 It's a hard knock life, for me.

It's a hard knock life, for me.

"I find it reprehensible that Jozy Altidore is included in this squad when we could have another forward for the United States that will miss simple shots and fire the ball 20 feet over the net. Wondolowski would give us that!" said JesusFreak2020 on Reddit.

"A new manager will allow us to play more like a combination of Chile, Germany and the 70's version of Brazil despite having defense and offense players on the United States roster that would not make it on Greece's 2004 Euro Cup winning roster." said Jeremy Lind on Facebook.

While the US Fans thrashed about online for the answer to a unanswerable question, they decided to blame the entirety of the mess on Jurgen Klinsmann, who is by all reports of fans a dishonest and untrustworthy German that you wouldn't leave alone with your mother.

"It's Klinsmann's fault that we have such a terrible player pool" said MLS Soccer analyst Jeffry Thorgood. "He doesn't understand how to play the poor players that we have against teams that have world class talent playing in Europe's top competitions."

 Never gets any blame. Deflector shields UP!

Never gets any blame. Deflector shields UP!

Professor of Symbology at Cornell of Miami, David Petreus, had the following to say, "I want my cake and I want to eat it. I want Klinsmann out. I want the United States to play extremely entertaining soccer. I want our fringe players to level up like in an Role Playing Game so that they are much better at controlling the ball and playing in pressure situations. I want us to do this now and I want to win the world cup in 2018. Don't tell me that Mexico is a better team, because that can't possibly be true, because we won some games against them in the last 10 years. IF they were the better team, wouldn't they be beating us now? Exactly."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as the wailing and gnashing of teeth continue for a coaching position change that will fix nothing in the grand scheme of life until large scale changes are made behind the scenes.