Seattle, WA - Witty soccer fan Ashley Haverbrook woke up, this morning, ready to make fun of the recent Landon Donovan statue only to find out that all the statue jokes were taken.

“Ah, goddammit,” muttered Haverbrook as she scrolled through her phone at all the jokes and takes that piled upon any original idea until it turned those good ideas into overwrought ideas run into the ground repeatedly that were good enough for a Bleacher Report video. “I was gonna have fun with this one.”

Haverbrook had to work late on Sunday and ended up trying to unwind at 11:45 pm while watching an episode of Community on Netflix thus causing her to not wake up until all the jokes were taken.

“Everything just moves so fast,” stated Haverbrook. “If you aren’t perpetually online when someone drops the picture of the insane Landon Donovan statue you miss the feast. By the time I came online all the lower tier Twitter accounts were fighting over the remaining viscera and the big accounts had drug away half a leg to gnaw on for the remaining 12 hours that this remains relevant.”

For her part, Haverbrook stated that she would attempt to be online more as she figures out a way to carve out time during her job and life to check in on Twitter, Instagram, Tik Tok, Facebook, and Discord in order to be relevant.

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Haverbrook experiences a severe uptick in depression.