WORLD - Residents of foreign lands around the world are reportedly paralyzed with fear as white Americans threatened to emigrate out of the country after the Presidential debate on Tuesday evening.
THE AMERICANS ARE COMING! THE AMERICANS ARE COMING!
“They made America so unbearable already, which country will be next?” stated one Danish man who asked to remain anonymous. “Most of the things that make our country attractive are only there because people like this didn’t get a say in it happening.”
According to one German citizen, they are worried about which Americans may soon show up as they stated, “It’s really like, which White American will we get? The one that is a Trump fan, or the one that isn’t a Trump fan but left all the poor people of color to fend for themselves? We already have a white supremacy problem so maybe letting more white supremacists and their enablers into this country isn’t a good idea..”
As part of our global coverage, our reporters reached out to a source in Nigeria who had the following to say, “We know for an absolute fact they are not coming here. They’re not wanting to leave THAT bad. I don’t think we will have to worry about Becky and Steve Johnson gentrifying Lagos.”
Anonymous people from Santiago, Chile responding to our interview request by saying, “Oh shit, here we go again,” while attempting to figure out exactly which of these people are CIA operatives determined to help overthrow their government.
Meanwhile citizens of the Netherlands were reportedly aghast at the idea of disease ridden Americans heading to their shores as they stated, “COVID is definitely not a hoax! They will bring their diseases with them like COVID, Measles, Polio and Capitalism! There are many problems that we need to address in this country without adding in a bunch of people who think that the political problems of their own country aren’t their fault. These people think that they can fix this with bone broth, essential oils and running away.”
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as people researching their ability to leave spend all day looking for some genealogical connection before realizing that they don’t have the degree, experience or language ability that would allow them to leave.