INTERNET - Fans of soccer teams across North America were apoplectic as a pair of incredibly nosy reporters with The Athletic wrote a hit piece based upon publicly available information on the political contributions of the beloved soccer billionaires that own franchises in Major League Soccer
“How DARE they,” stated Jennifer Williams of Los Angeles. “What did Phil Anschutz do to deserve this? You donate A FEW TIMES to anti-LGBTQ organizations that help run conversion camps that torture LGBTQ kids into thinking they are straight and that makes you a bad guy? These are shades of grey!”
Fans in staunchly progressive locations were even offended on behalf of their franchise owners as Steve Williams of Portland stated, “Hank Paulson just donated a few dollars to a party that believes in things that go against all the T.I.F.O we make and that’s a problem? Ha! I hate all those reporters who had to dig through all the dirty laundry to make this a conversation. This is just gotcha journalism. None of us even recognize that Hank is involved in the team. It’s all about Merritt and Merritt is great! He hates most of the fans that I hate and that’s just fun.”
“This is all the reporters faults,” stated Harold Harlan of Cincinnati. “If they didn’t report then I wouldn’t have to know. I don’t need to know the things I don’t need to know because I wouldn’t like them. What I need to know is the things I don’t know that I would like to know. Like, you know…. stories about owls who live in houses or videos of cats being scared by bananas.”
Nashville fan Jerrit Brown repeatedly stated to nearly every account with a positive interaction with the story online, “These are all well known things. Billionaires taking care of themselves. No one should be shocked. This is not a story.”
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as soccer fan Bruce Arnold states that he fundamentally disagrees with talking about the private donations of billionaires as he states, “Just because I don’t support Black lives matter doesn’t mean I’m a racist.”