Salt Lake City, UT - Real Salt Lake supporter Jeff Williams stated that he definitively knows exactly what kind of person Orlando City player Dom Dwyer is in his private life based upon the 78 minutes that he watches of Dwyer once a year.
“I tell you that you can know the character of a man by watching him for roughly 70 to 90 minutes once or twice a year,” stated Williams to The Nutmeg News. “I bet he punches puppies, kicks cats, and hunts harp seals with a club.”
Williams reportedly developed a one-sided problem with Dwyer over the past few years due to the way he perceives that Dwyer plays as he stated, “I cant stand him as a human being and a player. I don’t understand how anyone can love him. I bet he puts ketchup on hot dogs.”
Friends state that Williams is correct as they reportedly gushed at how much their hate of Dwyer extends into completely irrational areas.
“Jeff is right, you know,” stated RSL fan Damien Hernandez. “Dom Diver can’t be a good guy. Look at the way he plays. I bet he is on drugs all the time or something, but not the good kind of drugs.”
Despite all of this Dwyer continues to live out the rest of his life away from the peering eyes of Williams as he responded with a, “who?” when asked about the import of Williams opinion on his life.
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as a devastated Dwyer has a very boring lunch and checks on the weather.