FIFA To Let VAR Decide Rest Of World Cup

Zurich, CH - The Fédération Internationale de Football Association (FIFA) stated that they would let Video Assisted Referee (VAR) decide the rest of the World Cup as they determined that their own referees, teams and competitive games were ancillary to the decisions of the robot overlords.

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“There is no reason to put these Females in harms way anymore,” stated FIFA President Gianni Infantino. “We can simply let VAR and our bank of computers decide what the outcome would be based upon previously existing games, player ratings, overall talent matrixes and the implicit bias against players that our referees admitted to us in private.”

FIFA referees stated their opposition to such a plan as they blasted FIFA for attempting to ruin the World Cup, however their objections to the federation were overturned by VAR.

“We thought we had a valid argument that fans deserve a World Cup tournament played by actual players and refereed by actual humans, but apparently we were wrong,” stated referee Claudia Ramirez. “Instead, according to VAR, we do not deserve these things as shown in this still frame displayed here.”

Players were reportedly informed by their federations that there would be no reason to stay in Paris anymore as they returned home to their domestic games.

“I certainly hope that VAR doesn’t ruin the rest of the NWSL season,” stated one anonymous player. “It seems like it is only a matter of time before all games are tabulated and run by VAR.”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as ………… no wait…… wait……….. we were just informed by VAR that will have no more on this.


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