Tulsa, OK - Longtime soccer fan and Twitter veteran Phil Harvey stated that he finally achieved his dream of creating a twitter account that aggregates transfer rumors and passes them off as being real.
“I did it. I finally did it,” stated Harvey to The Nutmeg News. “I’ve always thought that what soccer could use more of was another twitter account that takes transfer rumors and unverified speculation from untrustworthy international sources and passes them off as being legitimate. Finally with my creation of @MLSTransferNewsUpdate I can deliver what everyone wants… more baseless speculation from anonymous sources that I pass off as being legitimate.”
Harvey stated that he was working on the techniques for the past 5 years that would allow him to create and manage such an account as he dedicated himself to shitposting every single day.
“Yeah I haven’t taken any breaks,” stated Harvey. “I’ve been making jokes about everything, pretending to have scoops, and searching international news organizations that have a reputation for making things up. It’s been a hard road to learn all the tricks, but finally I can admit that I’m in the right place to contribute to the baseless rumor mongering that all fans love.”
With the account created and followers streaking over to read his tweets, Mr. Harvey indicated that he wouldn’t just be relying on the old tricks anymore.
“I’m not just going to take things from other publications and make it seem like I figured it out. I’m also going to just make things up and then talk about how the deal fell through. People will LOVE that. and I just…. well….. I’m going to get emotional but I finally feel complete in this world as I find another sucker who believes that this anonymous Polish winger is going to get signed by… oh… I don’t know….. Let’s say, Chicago.”
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as @MLSTransferNewsUpdate gets 5,000 followers in the first 4 months it operates.