League Attempts To Add Meaning To Meaningless Game By Making Meaningful Games Meaningless

NEW YORK - Major League Soccer continued to state that players selected for the Major League Soccer All Star Game that were injured and unable to play in the game would still be suspended for an additional game following the All Star Game proving that they ARE the leading assholes in the state.

Where's a time traveler when you need one to go back and stop this thing before it ever started in the first place.

Where's a time traveler when you need one to go back and stop this thing before it ever started in the first place.

"It is our intention to create meaning in a meaningless game by devaluing the meaningful games following it," stated president of Major League Soccer Mark Abbot. "If you can't play in this utterly meaningless exhibition game, then your team, who has been fighting for 20+ games this season, deserves to be penalized in very important games as we head into the run for the postseason."

Reportedly, fans of any team, anywhere, think that this might be the dumbest thing to happen to an All-Star game since the tie in Major League Baseball, the invention of the meaningless contest in the first place, and Gary Bettman's carnival of bullshit called the National Hockey League.

"At least the NFL doesn't pretend that this game means something," stated Orlando City and Tampa Bay Buccaneers fan Henry Sampson. "This kind of bullshit is the kind of thing we expect from a person like Bud Selig, Gary Bettman or Don Garber. Oh, well... I guess this thing all makes sense."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as MLS fines players who don't fully commit when they go into tackles during the All-Star Game.