Fan Hospitalized After Attempt To Drink Til Team Looks Good

Seattle, WA - Seattle Sounders fan Jeremy Wilson admitted that his attempt to drink until the Sounders looked good did not go well as he was hospitalized after consuming too many alcoholic beverages during the Sounders recent 2-0 loss to New York City FC.

He needs three points! Can anyone find three points in this hospital! SOMEONE FIND THREE POINTS, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.

He needs three points! Can anyone find three points in this hospital! SOMEONE FIND THREE POINTS, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.

"Did they win?" asked Mr Wilson as he woke up in the emergency room of Northwest Hospital. "I don't remember anything after minute 55."

Reportedly, Mr Wilson attempted this new technique to blunt the effects of watching the Sounders frenetically faff their way around the midfield in the futile attempt at the act of scoring a goal.

"I thought, well... if I'm going to have to watch this, then I might as well drink until it looks good," stated Wilson to The Nutmeg News. "It turns out that it worked for about 5 minutes as I tried to carefully balance the too drunk and the not drunk enough fugue states and then I don't really know what happened."

Wilson was pulled from the Emerald City Supporters section in Century Link field as he attempted to drink a bottle of sunscreen while shouting, "I AM OBAFEMI MARTINS! PUT ME IN THE GAME!" Mr. Wilson was also purportedly stripping his shirt, shorts, and shoes off as he belligerently sang the wrong lyrics at the wrong time to "Roll On Columbia"

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Wilson considers whether it was the quantity or perhaps the quality of the beer that caused the Sounders to lose.