The beleaguered news magazine, The Nutmeg News, had a pitch session on Tuesday morning that was void of ideas and columns after finding that satire was dead, having been killed off Monday evening by the Seattle Sounders.
"Well, we are fucked. Pack it in, folks. We are done here," stated Senior Editor, the junior editor of The Nutmeg News.
"I don't know that you realize it yet, but we can't come up with anything more rediculous to follow the enormous, sanctimonious claptrap that happened yesterday. What is it going to be next? Sponsored Flame Canon Triceratops unicycle freaks urinating on grammatrain albums while singing Outkast Stankonia lyrics changed to reflect the conflict in the Sudan? See? It's all gone."
According to inside sources that are inside our usual inside sources which essentially means the narrator in this particular case but you didn't hear me squeal, The Nutmeg News can report that The Nutmeg News junior editor Senior Editor was last seen driving a convertible 1966 Lincoln Continental towards the desert with 2 dozen clay pigeons, a handle of Absinthe, a Remington shotgun, and a dog-eared copy of Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret.
"Shit's gonna get weird, people. Lets all just take some mushrooms, drop out for a bit and let the dust fall where it may," Mr. Editor exclaimed as he drove into the sunset before turning left onto the interstate.
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as we continue publishing because as soon as he left, the remaining editors had a sacrificial battle royal resulting in two bent fingernails and a cannibalized a Freddy Adu bobblehead utilized in a ritual in order to seize power.