Minnesota United Fans Already Regretting MLS Move

Minneapolis, MN - Fans of the team formerly known as Minnesota United have admitted that they are already regretting to move to Major League Soccer as their teams small history begins to be carved up to the process of branding and "good for the league" bullshit.

"So about this... um.... really awkward... but since you already committed... we are going to need to change your name, your stadium, your colors, your logo and... um... those fans that bring the flares?..... yeah... they need to be banned. So... yeah.... if you could get on that it would be great."

"So about this... um.... really awkward... but since you already committed... we are going to need to change your name, your stadium, your colors, your logo and... um... those fans that bring the flares?..... yeah... they need to be banned. So... yeah.... if you could get on that it would be great."

In a follow up to our report on Sacramento Republic fans, The Nutmeg News interviewed various members of the Minnesota soccer establishment to get their viewpoint on the upcoming branding enforcement on their team.

"Well, this sucks. I mean we have already been through a bunch of different iterations (Stars, Thunder, Strikers, etc) in regards to our team before being actually United under the name United so it isn't like we aren't used to change," stated Minnesota United fan Bruce Hanson.

"Look, we know the name isn't original in terms of the global game, but it actually reflects a real connection to this team name under which we became united. It reflects that team that we have grown to love. It reflects us being United from the Stars, Thunder, Strikers. After all, this was The Team That Nobody Wanted. Now it is likely going to be the team re-branded because Atlanta has a billionaire owner."

While Minnesota fans have already begun feeling disenfranchised by Major League Soccer despite not even playing there this season, Arthur Blank announced that he doesn't care as he rolled in one hundred dollar bills atop a comforter made out of silk.

"Fuck em," stated Blank to The Nutmeg News. "I've got more money than they do. That's the only brand that matters in Major League Soccer."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Minnesota United fans celebrate the end of their run.