D.C. United Executives Shocked That Fans Still Want To Talk About Team Online

WASHINGTON - D.C. United executives were reportedly shell shocked by the recent kerfuffle over the language in their season ticket renewal contract that caused shockwaves through the D.C. soccer community.

"Look, Bill, no one is going to make a peep about this.... trust me... it'll all be water under the bridge when we get that new stadium opened."

"Look, Bill, no one is going to make a peep about this.... trust me... it'll all be water under the bridge when we get that new stadium opened."

"Frankly, we are surprised that anyone wants to talk about this team in the first place," stated Tom Hunt, president of business operations. "We have done our best over the past few years to put a middling product in a cavernous stadium with aggressive anti-fan policing both inside and outside the stadium, so we were completely shocked that fans still wanted to talk about the team at all."

The new language in the DC United season ticket contract is vague enough that theoretically it could be utilized to squelch any kind of information, pictures, or talking about the game on social media from any fan that is a D.C. United season ticket holder. However, the front office, reportedly, didn't expect that anyone in the United fanbase, that currently had season tickets, still cared enough to complain about the overreaching language.

"Imagine our surprise when we found out that we still had fans that read the fine print," stated Hunt to The Nutmeg News. "We just thought that when we moved to a new stadium that we could get a new season ticket contract signed, stop any fan dissent and hopefully replace all of our current fans with new soccer fans that are more interested in taking a selfie with a scarf and paying good money for a limited beer selection than the language that we will use to eventually prosecute them for complaining about... well... myself."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as D.C. United continue their plan to overhaul their fanbase via season ticket attrition.