THIS MORON LOVES HIS NIPPLES

San Jose, CA - Mattias Perez Garcia reportedly loves his nipples so much that he got a second yellow card just to show them to the crowd still left in the stands at Avaya Stadium who didn't wander down to the LOBINA and get drunk.

 MY NIPPLES! YOU WILL LOVE THEM! YOU WILL HONOR THEM! YOU  WILL BASK IN THE GLORY!

MY NIPPLES! YOU WILL LOVE THEM! YOU WILL HONOR THEM! YOU  WILL BASK IN THE GLORY!

Perez Garcia scored the game winning goal in the 87th minute during the Real Salt Lake and San Jose Earthquakes game but the game winning goal was reportedly not the impetus for him to rip his shirt off and get sent off on a second yellow card.

"I just love my nipples" said Perez Garcia. "I've nicknamed them Pablo and William Jefferson. They are amazing, aren't they? I mean, just look at them, sitting there, looking pretty. Who wouldn't take their shirt off if they had nipples like these. It is absolutely worth getting sent off and having my team play 9 minutes without me in a game that was absolutely necessary for us to win just so that you can all bask in the greatness of my nipples. My teammates say that they are the best they have seen, better than Wondolowski's nipples by far. His are too focused and narrow. Mine are glorious and free and smooth. Dance Pablo, DANCE!" he said as he flexed his chest muscle and fondly gazed at his nipple.

The Nutmeg News will have more on Perez Garcia's nipples as they appear and dance in our head.