Desperately Needing To Post Something, Blogger Writes About Mascots

WASHINGTON - "I got nothing," said DC United blogger Travis Worthington in a direct message to his writing partner Jeffrey Grant. "Literally nothing. It's the end of the season and I've written all the same articles 26 times over the last 10 years."

That's when Mr. Worthington realized that the only thing left was the last bastion of the damned, "I realized I was going to write about soccer mascots."

 The acid is starting to kick in, Reginald.

The acid is starting to kick in, Reginald.

Mr. Worthington admitted that this was dangerous territory for a number of reasons.

"Well, no one likely cares. Also, I'm not entirely well versed on the subject, but honestly it should only take me a few minutes on google to figure this all out. Also, @futbolintellect covers all of this mascot stuff very well on twitter so I'm risking the wrath of the internet mascot legend and his cadre of mascot devotees. Likely I will get mocked and shunned by the mascot fraternity and the pro-mascot supplicants that make promotion and relegation advocates look like choir boys. I'm actually afraid for my life, to be honest. I'm going to be inundated with fierce gifs and emoticons that suggest things that I should do to myself or think about myself that I'm likely going to have to look up to figure out if I'm being insulted. However, I'm being 100% honest here, I am fresh out of ideas and desperate. We need to publish SOMETHING."

Mr Worthington noted that he was starting to write his article starting with Pottermus Hippo from Stoke

 The hippopotamus originated from Stoke during the industrial revolution when a local lad put a dog out on a flooded field and fed it Kale and oil grease until it transformed into what you see today.

The hippopotamus originated from Stoke during the industrial revolution when a local lad put a dog out on a flooded field and fed it Kale and oil grease until it transformed into what you see today.

"It's going to get real weird. But at least I'm not writing about Ben Olsen again for the 200th time. For now, It's all mascots all the time."