Orlando, FL - Brandon Killien, a professional waiter at Applebees and nightime supervisor of cleanup at Toojay's Gourmet Deli, has publicly stated that he is already tired of both teams in Major League Soccer (MLS) Cup and the news surrounding them.
"Man, text me when all this stuff is over and done. I' already just so incredibly tired of all these stories" said Mr Killien. "I can't get away from MLS Cup and the teams playing in that game anywhere online, there's stories about Portland everywhere I look on Reddit, there's stories about Columbus everywhere I look on Twitter, there's nothing everywhere I look on Yik-Yak except boner pics. I'm just done with the whole fucking thing and it's only Wednesday."
With many fans in soccer unused to the metric (and measured) size amount of championship bullshit that comes out before the final match of the season, many are drowning in a sea of poorly written and investigated stories that have something to tell but end up telling nothing at all.
"Look, Orlando City has been done for nearly 3 months now," said M.r Killien. "I'm ready for the player release, the draft (if there is one), for all that stuff. I'm ready to head back with my bros to the stadium, slam some mountain dew with some brewskis, and cheer on Brek 'Deeeez Nuuuuts' Shea. I'd just love to hear anything... ANYTHING... about my team right now."
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Mr. Killien plots his revenge to become the most annoying fan on the face of the planet when Orlando City make the MLS Cup playoffs sponsored by Daewoo in 10 years.