Santa Cruz, CA - San Jose Earthquakes fan Donald Purdue breathed a deep sigh of relief as the end of the Major League Soccer season was announced.
Almost there!
“Well, at least on November 9th I won’t have to watch another game for a few months,” stated Purdue as he looked at the rest of the schedule with a long stare.
Friends say that Purdue’s early optimism was blunted by recent results as he reportedly gave up on everything multiple times over the past month.
“He’s not found it easy,” stated friend Paul Hederson. “But at least he doesn’t have to go to the games, so that’s a small consolation.”
For his part, Purdue is keeping an optimistic viewpoint as he tried to find the best possible scenario for the last part of the season.
“Granted a -16 goal differential isn’t ideal with 11 games to go but I believe this squad has the abilities to shatter any goal differential record that exists in the league,” stated Purdue to our reporter. “I can’t wait to go into the offseason with not much hope that anything will ever change until our ownership sells the team. At least with COVID I can quarantine and avoid the virus. With the Earthquakes I keep voluntarily turning on the television to watch them take a giant shit. I need a mask for this team that makes all these performances somehow better.”
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Purdue decides he needs a sports sabbatical.