Investigative Report Shows That NWSL Is NOT Run By Moronic, Imbecilic And Infantile Northern Hairy-Nosed Wombat

A lengthy two day investigation into the National Women's Soccer League (NWSL) by The Nutmeg News shows that the fledgling league is, in fact, NOT run by a moronic, imbecilic and infantile Northern Hairy-Nosed Wombat. The NWSL is, instead, run by a group of moronic, imbecilic, and infantile Northern Hairy-Nosed Humans.

LEFT: Northern Hairy-Nosed Wombat  RIGHT: Jeff Plush, Commissioner of the National Women's Soccer League

LEFT: Northern Hairy-Nosed Wombat 

RIGHT: Jeff Plush, Commissioner of the National Women's Soccer League

Much of The Nutmeg News early investigation into who runs the NWSL centered around what kind of idiotic, lazy, addlepated imbecile would actually approve a field like the one that the Western New York Flash and Seattle Reign played upon during their recent July 9th game in New York.

You'd have to be the kind of rare dickhead who just stopped caring years ago in order to approve this travesty.

You'd have to be the kind of rare dickhead who just stopped caring years ago in order to approve this travesty.

"What we found," stated senior Nutmeg News correspondent Geoffrey Brandice, "was that this field situation was only the tip of the iceberg. Really, the field just represents the feckless way that these women are treated on a regular basis. The Nutmeg News can also confirm that the league is also employing women from all walks of life as amateur players for emergency depth call-ups because they claimed they couldn't pay the players. These 'unpaid amateurs' include players that were formerly professional players who retired because they weren't making a living but came back for one or two games. The NWSL are also paying some women a wage of $7500 for a seasons worth of work which enforces many women to carry multiple jobs. TNN also found out that the NWSL engaged in placing women in nursing/hospice home for the elderly as housing. This is a league that clearly is run by half-illiterate jackasses with really no care as to the quality of the game or the care of its players."

While a bold statement has been given by Mr Brandice and the investigative section of The Nutmeg News, we were unable to get the NWSL leadership, nor the Western New York Flash ownership to confirm that they were drunk, stoned, or just stupid when they approved the field for the recent game.

The only quote that The Nutmeg News was able to receive from the National Women's Soccer League was the following by the Commissioner of the NWSL, "It is easier to ask for forgiveness than permission. And that quote comes to us from Rear Admiral Grace Hopper. Who is a Woman! Which means that what we did this weekend is totally fine. NOT SEXIST, GUYS! PLUSHY OUT!"

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as the NWSL try to figure out more new and inventive ways to screw the players and the fans.