Major League Soccer Enlists Journalists From The Athletic To Investigate Leaks From Their Employees To The Athletic

NEW YORK - Sources with Major League Soccer (MLS) indicate that the league hired journalists from The Athletic to investigate leaks from the employees within Major League Soccer to The Athletic detailing their COVID-19 plans.

“Executives with MLS are very paranoid that people from inside the league are leaking information to journalists outside the league,” stated one source with the league. “From what I understand they hired journalists to track down the people leaking the information to themselves.”

According to an internal memo (chat log) from The Athletic, the collection of journalists employed there were tasked by management to find the person leaking information to themselves.

“I take care of my sources, so I cannot reveal who implied that,” stated one anonymous Journalist. “However, I can assure everyone that I take my responsibilities seriously so I will be investigating myself to see if I can crack my own sources.”

For their part, MLS denied that they contacted The Athletic, but internal sources state that they’ve been working on squashing the flow of information out of the league office.

“They’ve been working on bounties, rewards, punishments, just about anything to stop people from talking,” stated one anonymous MLS employee. “They’ve had video conference meetings about this and emails. At this point, I’m thinking of turning someone in just so I can get the bounty on them. Instead, I’m just going to send this information over to The Athletic to see if shining a light on the situation can make the working environment more stable.”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as MLS decides to try to hire Grant Wahl to investigate The Athletic to investigate the league to investigate the employees leaking to The Athletic.

FC Cincinnati Fans Hope That Jaap Stam Doesn't Choke During His First Season

Cincinnati, OH - With the announcement Jaap Stam being made head coach of FC Cincinnati, a number of local fans stated that they hope the Dutch manager doesn’t choke during his first season.

“I’ve seen it before, but I’m always worried about the possibility,” stated one anonymous fan. “I’m mostly concerned that he will choke during the season. It’s a scary possibility. Hopefully we don’t pay a price for this hire.”

A number of fans report that their main concern is how he deals with players on the field.

“When push comes to shove, I’m just worried about his relationship with onfield players and whether or not he chokes in the moment,” stated Phillip Granderson of Cincinnati. “His managerial history indicates that we don’t really know what we are getting here, so I’m a bit underwhelmed. I just hope he manages to not choke with the players we have at our disposal.”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as eager fans keep a close eye on the results.

After Party Ultras Devastated As MLS All Star Game Cancelled

LOS ANGELES - The supporters group After Party Ultras issued a terse statement indicating their devastation as Major League Soccer (MLS) announced that the annual All Star Game would be cancelled.

#ohbrand #united #unitedtoparty #PopBottles

“This infringing upon our rights to get freaky, pop bottles and wave our hands in the air like we just don’t care needs to stop” stated the After Party Ultras to their Twitter account. “We strongly condemn the decision to cancel the MLS All Star Game and all the parties involved. Where else will intoxicated and temporarily besotted sports journalists, team staff on per-diem, random people who know the right kind of people, and the representatives of corporate sponsors get to wander around NWSL stars and journeyman USL centerbacks with pop-leaning breakbeat blaring over distributed speakers.”

Sources with the league indicate that after a careful consideration of all the factors involved with the All Star Game that they couldn’t, in good conscience, continue with the multi-day event in Los Angeles as they cancelled the game and all the events and parties that surround it.

“This is why we are against modern after parties,” stated APU spokesman Jerry “Funkhauser” McGonaghal. “Back in the early footballing days, they would hold after parties for all workers and events personal even if there was a pandemic or plague. It’s how we survive. Pop Bottles! All Canape’s Are Bastards! Against Modern Parties! No Alizé No Party!”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as the After Party Ultras work on a T.I.F.O display condemning the greed of cancelling the greatest after party in US Soccer.

Traveler From Newly Discovered Parallel Universe Says It's Called Phlanxxis Not Soccer

A traveler from the Holy American Empire capitol city of Kiprop, part of a newly discovered parallel universe by NASA, indicated his disgust with our sporting nomenclature as he stated, “It’s PHLANXXIS not soccer,” via his universal translator Raul.

“I traveled across the dimensions to let you know one very important thing,” stated the traveler. “It’s Phlanxxis not soccer. How can you socc? You cannot socc. This is ridiculous. Everyone knows that the Eternal travelers from the Gaul Dynasty created Phlanxxis from methane inflated sheep’s bowels during the time of The Reverence.”

According to the Traveler, the Holy American Empire Phlanxxis Federation took it upon themselves to institute a system of naming in their world after waging a war upon the countries of Marajó and Eastern Hibernia to destroy their sporting infrastructure.

“The only relegation we need is the subjugation of their countries,” stated the Traveler. “The only word that will be spoken is that of Phlanxxis, not Rajabom or Foot Sphere or Spherey or even, Klaax forbid, Orbing as those in the East claim of their sports name. At that time, then, when we gain revenge upon the FIPHA for the omission of the HAE Phlanxxis team from the 3442 World Conflagration Cup we will find joy.”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as the Traveler discusses how the common state of his world is perpetual disagreement and anger, so he feels quite comfortable in our world.

Woman Concerned That Facebook Group Actually IS Indicative Of Type Of People In Supporters Group

Portland, OR - Timbers fan Phillipa Hughes stated that she is very concerned that the irreverent Facebook group she joined about the Timbers actually IS indicative of the type of people in the Timbers Army as she attempted to discern if people were being sarcastic or serious.

“People tell me constantly that I shouldn’t judge people based upon their online persona, but that’s really the only thing I have to go on right now,” stated Hughes to The Nutmeg News. “If this is really what this supporters group is about, then… um…. look…. um…..”

Hughes reportedly searched out different Timbers groups online as she attempted to connect with like-minded fans who also share her passion for soccer. However, what she found was a fountain of petty drama, personal vendettas and really dumb jokes.

“I’m not saying that any of it is specifically bad…. well… there’s actually some, ok… yeah look at this, I mean this is SPECIFICALLY bad; but in general I feel like it’s just useless and that really concerns me. Where are all the other… you know… nice and smart people hanging out? They have to be out there or are they just smart enough not to engage in this stuff. I’m NOT signing up for nextdoor, for this. No way.”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Hughes continues to look for like-minded fans on Twitter.

Soccer Podcast Hosts So Bored That They May Start Recording A Soccer Podcast Again

NEW YORK - Soccer podcast hosts Damon Hargrove and Jason Lewis stated that they were so bored that they may actually start recording a soccer podcast again as they attempt to fill their quarantine time with constructive things.

“We’ve been talking about getting the boys back together again,” stated Hargrove to The Nutmeg News. “It started with J texting me about how bored he was and then me agreeing that I was really bored and then we started talking about recording Red Bull Alert again.”

Hargrove and Lewis spent two years fitfully recording Red Bull Alert during moments in time when they felt passionate about the team; but the duo haven’t released a podcast in over a year despite constantly using their Twitter account and Facebook account to talk about the team and their life.

A recent image of a microphone with the caption of “YO! We are BACK!” earned roughly 10 favorites and 2 retweets as the excited throngs of RBA fans congregated online to congratulate the duo.

“Ready or not we are gonna be talking about all the stuff from this season and telling stories of seasons past,” stated Lewis to the Red Bull Alert Facebook page. “We are hoping to get call-ins from our fans and we will be unveiling a number of new segments we spitballed over on our Discord channel.”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Lewis and Hargrove tease a new episode for two weeks and then go on hiatus again for another year.

E-MLS E-Tournament Special E-Champions E-Celebrate With E-Visit To E-Magic City

Atlanta, GA - E-MLS E-tournament special e-champions Paulo Neto and Franco Escobar reportedly e-celebrated their e-championship with an e-visit to a virtual version of the legendary Atlanta strip club e-Magic City.

“Forget e-Disneyland,” stated Neto to The Nutmeg News. “We are gonna load up an e-visit to e-Magic City!”

The e-MLS e-tournament involved a combination of a fan and an Atlanta United player as the dominant virtual Atlanta side trounced a virtual Sporting Kansas City side 7-3 on e-aggregate.

“We e-slapped them around,” stated one anonymous e-Atlanta United e-staff member. “We just added another trophy into our cabinet next to the Campeones Cup.”

E-Supporters flooded into the virtual e-streets to celebrate the e-champions as they organized e-banners, an e-parade, and an e-celebration at e-venues across Atlanta.

“We are champions AGAIN,” stated Atlanta United supporter Ralph Henderson. “You can’t stop Atlanta. The music is thumping and we are gonna visit e-Magic City for some e-shenanigans and some e-fun. I hear that the e-players are gonna bring the e-cup! It’s gonna be amazing. After that, we are gonna e-celebrate this e-victory by dominating an online poll for the best stadium in MLS and e-MLS.”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Atlanta United fans take to social media to defend the Campeones Cup, again.

Soccer Fan Still Waiting For US Soccer To Play USMNT Highlights From The 2018 World Cup

Omaha, NE - Every four year soccer fan Duke Williams stated that he is still waiting for US Soccer to play United States Men’s National Team highlights from the 2018 World Cup.

“They show stuff from 2002, 2006, 2010, 2014………. but what about 2018?” stated Williams to The Nutmeg News.

Williams indicated that he couldn’t understand why the federation hadn’t played any highlights from the games featuring the US Men.

“They must be waiting until later in the pandemic,” stated Williams. “By that time we are gonna be back shotgunning beers with our bros and icing the new AO recruits. They might as well show the highlights now. USA! USA! USA!”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as US Soccer commissions a long form piece on how the United States would’ve won the 2018 World Cup had they actually made the tournament.

Hertha Berlin Fan Of The Last 6 Days Bemoans Bandwagon Bundesliga Fans

Denver, CO - Philip Anderson, a Hertha Berlin fan of the last six days, bemoaned the new bandwagon fans that are coming out of the woodwork to pick a Bundesliga side after it was announced that the league would resume on May 16th.

“If someone has a problem with all this I just point to this tattoo… idea I have if I stick with rooting for this team.”

“I was a fan of Hertha Berlin one day BEFORE we found out that the games would return,” stated Anderson to The Nutmeg News. “I just think that fans should not try to pick a team and just enjoy watching the league play. You don’t need to force being a fan of one team or another.”

Anderson reportedly purchased everything related to Hertha BSC that he could find on Amazon over the past 6 days as he staked his claim to being a long suffering fan of Die Alte Dame.

“My situation is very different,” stated Anderson. “My love of Hertha comes from my lifelong interest in soccer over the last 5 years. It was passed down to me from my father. After all, it was the Irish father at my church who first talked to me about soccer back in 2015.”

For his part, Anderson said he would be welcoming to all the new Berlin fans as he stated, “It’s gotta be difficult to just randomly pick a team like this.”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Anderson attempts to figure out which people he really hates by researching what rivalry Hertha BSC has in Germany.

Minnesota United Fan Concerned That Cardboard Cutout View May Be Blocked By Cardboard Cutout Flags

St. Paul, MN - James Heatherton stated that he was increasingly worried that if the Major League Soccer side resorted to putting cardboard cutouts of fans in the stands during empty stadium games that his cardboard cutout avatar’s view may be blocked by cardboard cutout flags.

“I didn’t pay all this money, wait all this time, and a submit a picture of myself to have the virtual view of my cardboard figurehead blocked by some asshole cardboard cutout waving a giant flag,” stated Heatherton to The Nutmeg News.

Heartherton reportedly submitted a picture of himself with crossed arms standing in the supporters section not participating as others silently cheer on the team in order to accurately replicate his gameday participation level.

“It would be a complete lie to show me vigorously participating in what I consider to be consistent aping of English culture and not at all in line with the American tradition of doing fuck all during professional sports after you spent all of your energy in life during your youth in college and become tied down by the depressive reality of adult life, a job, a mortgage and kids.”

According to the cardboard cutout figureheads that surround Heatherton they have been trying to get him to actually do …. well… anything during a game for years now as he stands in misery and silent stoicism around the people enjoying themselves.

“I don’t know that I’ll be able to tell the difference between a cardboard cutout of him and the real version of him that does nothing but complain about what other people are doing,” stated one anonymous fan.

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Heatherton submits a complaint to the Minnesota United front office about the conduct and supposed marijuana pipes of other cardboard figures.

Soccer Fan Can't Wait To Get Back To His Old Routine Of Living Paycheck To Paycheck And Attending A Soccer Game On The Weekend Where He Can't Afford To Buy Beer

LOS ANGELES - Galaxy fan Paul Alvarez stated that he can’t wait to get back to his old routine of driving a terrible commute in traffic to a job that he tolerates as he attempts to live paycheck to paycheck and attending a soccer game on the weekend where he can't afford to buy beer.

“I can’t wait until we have the option to leave the house and go back to work,” stated Alvarez to The Nutmeg News. “I actually miss seeing some of the people. I’m looking forward to everything…. the terrible health insurance, the monstrous traffic, the sweltering heat on the freeway as motorcycles zip by, checking my phone during my allowed bathroom breaks to see if anything happened to the Galaxy, getting drunk in the parking lot before a game because I can’t afford the beer on the inside…. I just miss it all so much. I can’t wait to get back to normal.”

Alvarez is hopeful that there will actually be a job for him after his company laid everyone off nearly two months ago.

“They said they were going to try to get some of the federal relief money to keep afloat,” stated Alvarez. “I guess if it doesn’t work out I’ll just have to balance driving for Uber, Lyft, Grubhub, Caviar, DoorDash and Postmates with a job at Amazon. I hear they are hiring.”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Alvarez gleefully imagines having a water pump break while on his way to work and getting in trouble for not being on time and then slowly realizing he won’t be able to work in the gig economy while he tries to get a part fixed he can’t afford.

"If Only There Was A Way To Coordinate All The Sounders Conversation On Twitter," States Supporter Who Stopped Using The EBFG Hashtag

Seattle, WA - Sounders supporter Tim Williams reportedly bemoaned the lack of ability to talk to his fellow Sounders fans as he stated, “if only there was a way to coordinate all the Sounders conversation on Twitter,” despite the fact that he stopped using #EBFG over a year ago.

Hmmm…………………..nah.

“I just couldn’t handle all the stupid people on there and the dumb hot takes,” stated Williams to The Nutmeg News. “I need a way to talk to the people I like without having to hear all the people I don’t like who infiltrated the hashtag over the past few years.”

Williams stated that he used to post and search EBFG after every game until he found himself becoming more and more annoyed by the responses and tweets that fellow fans put up on the hashtag.

“I’ve tried exploring What’s App groups and text messages, then I thought about trying to do a Facebook group or perhaps a group of private Twitter accounts; but now I’m thinking that perhaps the way forward is an invite only Discord,” stated Williams. “I think that if we just create a chat room where my group of friends can slowly grow our numbers that we will be able to control the level of quality discussion that we could have.”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Williams leaves the Discord chat room after six months because of a number of recent people that joined that he dislikes.

NWSL Confident That Likely Very Few, If Any, Players Will Die If They Start 2020 Season Soon

CHICAGO - A spokesperson with the National Women’s Soccer League (NWSL) announced today that they were confident that very few, if any, players would die if they started the 2020 season soon.

“We are calling back the players to practice,” stated Amber Williams of the league front office. “They are all young, so likely they aren’t going to die if they get sick. And if they get sick, they just have to stay at home, isolate from everyone they know and hope they survive. Likely they will be fine.”

Fans are reportedly excited at the return of the league as many are hoping for a return to some level of normalcy.

“I always say you gotta break a few eggs to make an omelet,” stated Jasper Hughes of Orlando. “These women are all young. What’s the worst case scenario? We return to practice, start the league, have a few closed door games, have someone get sick and then die? Probably worth the effort then. We can’t keep the economy down like this. The league won’t survive if they don’t play games, so I ask the professional women soccer players of the nation to take one for the team, so to speak.”

With the NWSL calling players back in May, the league privately is hoping that everything is gonna be fine by then as they pin their hopes on 22 women exerting themselves on a field without having any kind of issues.

“It’s fine,” stated one anonymous NWSL employee. “What do we need for a game? 22 players? 4 referees? a bunch of camera operators? An editing truck? The coaching staff? We will just tell the players not to celebrate together.”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as the NWSL plows ahead hoping for a vaccine.

"Other Than My Millions Of Dollars, Connections, Notoriety, Influence, And Access I'm Exactly Like You... The Common Fan," States Soccer Team Owner

Topeka, KS - Topeka Fury owner Harry Wilson wanted to assure fans that, “other than my millions of dollars, connections, notoriety, influence and access I’m exactly like the common fan,” as he lobbied for sports to start back up again soon.

“I’m just one of you,” stated Wilson from his palatial mansion. “I open the doors of my Tesla just like you do. I play Animal Crossing just like you do. I chat with Elon Musk on Twitter like you do and I buzz door dash into my gated community to eat Tikka Masala just like you do. We are all suffering from the same stress.”

Wilson has recently taken to Twitter to voice his theory that the response by local government to the COVID-19 pandemic is now worse than the actual virus itself as he touted the, “actual low infection rate,” and the, “dwindling economy.”

According to insider sources, Wilson was initially supportive of the measures until he noticed how much money he was losing and came to the realization that no one that he knew personally was sick.

“How can it be a nationwide pandemic if everyone isn’t sick or dead,” stated Wilson. “Mortality rates are already very low (and probably lower than we think if we ever get true data on actual infections) It’s all about perception and fear. No one around me is sick, and I think that means this whole thing is overblown. So what if there are 61,000 people dead, no actual vaccine, and no actual medical data yet on immunity. What’s important is that we get back to full contact sports with paying spectators and not give into the fear.”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Wilson complains about the boredom and disaster of the virus from his private men’s room in the basement pub he created to replicate a Bavarian drinking hall.

"It's GAMEDAY," States Fan Opening Beer At 9:00 AM To Watch YouTube Stream Of USOC Game from 1999

NEW YORK - Stating, “It’s gameday,” soccer fan Yasmine Hernandez cracked a beer at 9:00 am this morning as she prepared to watch an archived YouTube stream of the 1999 US Open Cup game between the Rochester Rhinos and Colorado Rapids.

Between my fan and my zoom background it really looks like I’m back outdoors!

Detailing her plan to get day drunk, fall asleep, and then wake up and then fall back asleep again, Hernandez enthusiastically cheered on the grainy Zapruder-esque footage from her quarantine bunker.

“I don’t have a clue what day it is anymore and where the hell are the Pizza Rolls and… oh…oh my…... JAGERSHOTS!” stated Hernandez with her head inside the apartment freezer.

With all the days of the week blending together into a miasma of depression, elation, boredom and drunk browsing of Instagram, Hernandez stated that she needs something to keep it all together.

“Gameday! It’s gameday! That means I’m having a different day from yesterday which was games day that I spent trying to play Dark Souls. Today it’s all about drinking this beer and watching this game and hopefully not waking up with a hangover at 2:00 pm.”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Hernandez realizes she doesn’t have anything in her house to help with a hangover.

MLS Announces League Will Restart Possibly June 5th, Or 6th, Or The 12th, Or The 14th, Or Maybe The 21st, Or Possibly July 24th, Or Maybe August 3rd

NEW YORK - Major League Soccer (MLS), today, announced that the league will restart possibly June 5th, or 6th, or the 12th, or the 14th, or maybe the 21st, or possibly July 24th, or maybe August 3rd.

“We want to announce that we are definitely opening soon. Please continue to pay for the upcoming games that are starting very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very soon,” stated league director of scheduling Harry Barnes.

“Again, I would like to stress that we want to announce that we are definitely opening again as soon as we can. Look, it’s possible that the league has already started and you just don’t know it yet. Likely it is YOU, the fake news media, that are wrong about MLS not playing games.”

According to insider sources, the league is desperate to continue pushing out the time in which they will cancel the season and reformat the competition temporarily into a Totino’s Pizza Roll eating contest.

“They see this as an opportunity to pivot. Competitive eating is the future,” stated one anonymous insider.

For their part, though, Major League Soccer remains steadfast as Barnes indicated, “We are starting again very soon. Please continue scheduling your payments.”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as MLS insists the 2020 season will happen in January of 2021.

Dell Loy Hansen Admits He Is Concerned About The Emotional Well-Being Of Rare Dime After Purported Online Abuse

Salt Lake City, UT - After a spate of town halls, news reports, and strongly worded tweets criticized the Billionaire owner for furloughing part of the staff of Real Salt Lake during a global pandemic while also spending millions of dollars on old coins, Dell Loy Hansen admitted that he is concerned about the emotional well-being of the rare 1.3 million dollar dime.

“The fake news media and online bullies have gone too far,” stated Hansen to our reporter from the woolly mammoth bone entryway of his elephant ivory fortress of solitude high up in the Wasatch Mountains. “They can criticize me all they want and all they will show is their ignorance. However, to criticize this dime? This dime that has done nothing to them? This is an outrage.”

Hansen stated that he is tired of the fake news media and their outrageous attack on a simple dime that he bathes in fresh milk and baby tears every night.

“The attacks must stop. The fake reporters writing their fake news must stop. We, as a country, must come together and support rare coin collectors. Rare Coin Collectors Lives Matter and Dime Lives Matter, as well. SOLIDARITY! It’s important to recognize that when you tear down the life of a man who pays 1.3 million dollars for a dime that you not only affect him, but all the other money that he wants to collect. These kinds of things have a ripple affect. Trying to stop me from collecting means that my interns wont watch me collect and means that my fellow billionaires wont watch me collect.”

In order to help support the rare dime during this time, Hansen announced a new support fund for the emotional and physical well being of his rare dime.

“I will contribute 2 million dollars to the Dime Lives Matter support group,” stated Hansen. “And Real Salt Lake will match those 2 million dollars to support Dime research into a universal basic income for Dime collectors and healthcare for serious issues like patina loss.”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Hansen creates a new American flag for sale for billionaires to show their solidarity for rare dime collectors.

Soccer Fan Starts Online Campaign To Remove Himself From Managing His Football Manager Save

Fort Lauderdale, FL - Soccer fan Philip Russum stated that he was fully and completely #RussumOUT as he began an online campaign to remove himself from managing his own Football Manager save.

“The results have been horrendous,” stated Russum about himself. “And I can no longer stomach the loses and the unending ineptitude. Russum must go and the board must appoint someone new who has the ability to acquire good players and put them in a position to succeed.”

Russum has been the coach and general manager of his Football Manager save for the past 5 weeks as he originally loaded up the sim to pass the time during quarantine. However, the connection between the fans and the management broke down during the 12 game losing streak of week 3.

“The fans must understand that we are building something here.” stated Russum to himself. “And we are not always going to see measured success immediately. This isn’t just something where you can buy the best players, we must be smart and take calculated risks. I accept that I am in a position where I will complain about the tenure of myself. That comes with the job, but the attacks in the stands and online towards my character and myself are too far.”

For his part, Russum stated that this statement was unacceptable and a sign of the lack of ambition that Russum has had since he took over the team five weeks ago.

“We aren’t in week 1 when the team was fresh and the anticipation was palpable,” stated Russum as he protested himself out in front of his computer. “This is week 5 and in week 5 we should see results. It’s not just results though, but as well …. there needs to be some kind of community investment and strengthening of ties between the front office and the fans. These baseless rumors of fans attacking Russum online are pure fabrication. If anything has been said it has been true and as a public figure I should know that I will come into criticism from myself.”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Russum takes extreme measures as he confronts himself in front of his home leading to widespread condemnation of himself by himself and a severe crackdown on himself in the stands.

"It's Major League FOOTBALL, My Dudes."

The Nutmeg News accepts letters to the editor, and will publish them when deemed appropriate. You may send correspondence, rebuttals or opinions to mail@thenutmegnews.com

The information within does not necessarily reflect the viewpoint of The Nutmeg News or its affiliates.

“It’s Major League FOOTBALL, my dudes. Do they use their hands? Nope. BOOM. ROASTED. CHECKMATE”

Namaste!

Nick.

Real Salt Lake Fan Announces Furlough Of Season Ticket Payments

Salt Lake City, UT - Real Salt Lake fan Carl Johnson announced, today, that he would be furloughing his season ticket payments after the team announced they would be furloughing staff within the organization.

“Today I will be furloughing my season ticket payments,” stated Johnson to his Twitter account. “I do this with a large amount of sadness, but after this global pandemic is over I plan on bringing them back at the same level as before.”

Asked for response, the Season Tickets stated that they were saddened by the loss of income during this trying time.

For their part, the club stated that they would vigorously oppose any and all that would deny them their rightful monies as they demanded Johnson appear before a tribunal headed by the lead asshole in charge, Dell Loy Hansen.

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Johnson remains the only person to do this.