HAMTRAMCK, MI — A local fan of Detroit City FC (DCFC), speaking on condition of anonymity, confirmed to Nutmeg News that they watched last Saturday’s Toronto/Orlando Major League Soccer match, attempting to avoid detection by turning off the lights and closing their blinds.
“I’m kind of a Toronto FC fan,” the unnamed fan confessed. “I love going to Toronto and I really got into them when they won the treble. Giovinco was amazing that year and it was fun to watch the national team players.” After looking around, they added under their breath, “I wish we could watch players like that every week.”
The fan spent the previous week bolstering their alibi by talking up a fictitious weekend camping trip to the UP to any fellow DCFC fan within earshot, even posting photos of a past camping trip on social media during the game. “Going out of cell range,” said one post around the 30th minute, “Looking forward to getting off the grid. See you next week. ✌️”
“There was one time when the mailman came and I think he heard me,” said the fan, “But then when I saw him this week I commented about the housesitter I had, and I think he bought it.
“Don’t get me wrong, I will always love DCFC first and foremost, but it’s nice to have a top flight team to support, and of course I’m not going to cheer for Columbus or Cincinnati. I can’t wait to get back to Keyworth. There’s nothing else like it. But, you know, if we ever got an MLS team….” Their voice trailed off.
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as the Northern Guard opens an investigation into the traitor in the ranks.