Stan Kroenke Admits He Wont Rest Until Arsenal Football Club Are Brought To The Same Level As The Colorado Rapids

St Louis, MO - In a wide ranging interview on the state of the business of soccer and a hair treatment for your upper lip, mustachioed reclusive billionaire Stan Kroenke stated that he, "Won't rest until Arsenal Football Club are brought to the same level as the Colorado Rapids."

In other words, dead fucking last.

In other words, dead fucking last.

"You can see how my investment and personal ownership style lent itself to the high standard we expect from the Rapids," stated Kroenke. "I just hope that eventually we can purchase an aging goal keeper for Arsenal and pay him entirely too much money while ignoring nearly every other position on the field. Oh... ok.... I'm getting a note from my team here that says we already did that, so well done everyone."

Kroenke has, reportedly, tasked out future initiatives for Arsenal with a possible stadium move to the countryside adjacent to London as Kroenke stated, "It's not important to have an accessible stadium. It's only important to have a cheap stadium that we can use to host 3 Doors Down concerts during the summer and a fireworks display for the Fourth Of July. I know what English soccer fans need and what they truly need is a patriotic fireworks display set to Lee Greenwood that will help them forget the abject failure that is their local soccer team. If it works in the abandoned lots outside of Denver, it will work in the countryside outside London. We also need more Smash Mouth concerts and fewer Champions League games. It's all part of the new revenue stream."

According to insider sources, Kroenke is also considering changing the name of the team to Arsenal Rapids SC, in order to offer better cross-promotional opportunities between the two teams he collectively ignores.

"It's going to be great. Both teams will be able to switch their jerseys, and when Arsenal finally changes to the burgundy of the Rapids, you won't be able to tell who is playing. We might even just use the same kits for both teams to save money," stated one anonymous source.

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Kroenke's reign of terror continues.