Detroit, MI - An irate Ira Glass was, reportedly, ejected from the recent Detroit City FC game against FC Indiana after losing a local public radio sponsored Ira Glass look-alike contest at halftime.
"FUCK THIS," stated Glass as he left the field shouting profanities in a machine gun fashion. "I drank 12 Faygos to try to fit in with this group and all I got was a lap full of vomit."
Glass reportedly went on a 20 minute rant that included profanity and language so objectionable that even the supporters group of Detroit City FC, the Northern Guard, had no choice but to eject the NPR personality.
"We can't allow him anywhere near Keyworth, anymore. He's ruining football, and that's something we really care about," stated director of cursing, Jimmy "The Goat" Burzinsky. "We enjoy free reign to curse, speak our mind, and sing our songs, but whatever spun Ira up, last night, was entirely too much for us to handle."
The Nutmeg News spoke to Dawn Anderson of Lafayette Park and she stated, "I'm not a religious person, but even I'm ready to have him arrested and brought up on blasphemy charges for roughly 75% of the world religions. We even have a Jain follower in our section and she wanted to remove his head with a hatchet. Plus, he was CLEARLY the least Ira Glass looking Ira Glass in the contest last night. CLEARLY."
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Serial comes to town to investigate the allegations of The Northern Guard killing football.