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Today's letter comes from Gerald Emmet Willson Jr. of New Vernon, NJ
I went to Melbourne once when I was 16, for a youth trip, so of COURSE I'm Victory for life.
Don't know that? Check out my scarf. It's real. Yeah, mate. I got it off the team website.
Don't know who Victory are? Well fuck you, mate. You need to learn about the A-League, stat. Give it a burl! Just don't do what my mate David did at the The Lawrenceville School and pick your A-league team off Youtube videos. That's how he ended up a Western Sydney fan. He's a dickhead, but we are still friends. You got those hard lads from Melbourne and those figjam's from Melbourne City FC, and those thick Clayton's from Sydney. It's going off down there.
Mate, trust me when I say that I'm up on all the A-League trends. This MLS bollocks is just shite, mate. You ever see a bunch of hard ultras from Minor League Soccer put out banners and flares? Nah, mate. Put another shrimp on the barbie and let me educate you. Victory pierced my heart like a bloody Stingray, you know what I mean? I was in Melbourne for three days, but everyone said I was like a local by that time. People would ask me for directions, because I looked like such a local, like I was dressing like a local without even realizing it. And everyone told me my Aussie accent was legit, mate.
But you are reading this for the footy, and footy is great, but don't take my word for it. Grab a Fosters and watch some games. Just get up at 2:00 am like I do when I'm meeting up with some of the local kids to sling some adderall. Look I'll wake up for a game that early, but I'm not going to Harrisburg for a Red Bull game. FAKE SOCCER.
Anyway, up the might Victory, fuck off FFA and the terrace sings as one for you!