Keep The Christ In "Jesus Christ, Dempsey, Stay On Your Feet" Campaigns Traditionalist

TORONTO - Soccer traditionalist Jason Marshall stated that he is keeping up his campaign to keep the Christ in "Jesus Christ, Dempsey, stay on your feet you diving prick," as he fights the encroaching culture wars.


"I'm a firm believer in blaspheming as it pertains to my families religion," stated Marshall to The Nutmeg News. "My grandaddy said, 'Jesus Christ, Achtymichuk.' My daddy said, 'Jesus Christ, Chelios.' And I'll say, 'Jesus Christ, Dempsey,' as an appropriate swear to convey my disgust at their actions."

According to family members, Marshall was disappointed when he heard people cursing out Columbus Crew players using a variety of sainted deities without using the traditional blaspheming words of Jesus Christ.

"It's true, I heard call out's to Saints, Buddha, Gnisha, and Mohammed at the last game," stated Marshall. "And yet no one was yelling 'JESUS CHRIST, MERAM, YOU ARE TERRIBLE.' I was very upset and perplexed. This is what happens when we don't teach appropriate swearing to our children in school."

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Marshall attempts to sell signs stating his beliefs from his garage.