Major League Soccer Working On Bans For Everyone That Had Fun At MLS Cup

TORONTO - According to insider sources, Ray Whitworth and the Major League Soccer (MLS) security goons are already working on handing down bans for excessive enjoyment had during MLS Cup which includes bans for flares, smoke, kissing, lewd behavior, flatulence, beer consumption, and celebration in the area of illicit activities.


"We simply cannot accept our fans having fun," stated Whitworth to The Nutmeg News. "We plan on banning at least every member from the Inebriatti and probably everyone from U-Sector as well. Hell, we might even punish the leaders of the Kings In The North if we are feeling saucy. It's important to let these fans know that they work for us and not the other way around."

It's also being reported that Major League Soccer plans on funding the new TAM influx into the league utilizing the fees collected from their mandatory alcohol and anger programs they require for reinstatement after a fan is banned.

"It's going to be a watershed moment for us, we are going to ban so many people after this one. We are going to make MLS great again one ban at a time and you are just fake news," stated Whitworth.

The Nutmeg News will have more on this when Major League Soccer creates an advertisement around the passion of the Toronto fans utilizing imagery from MLS Cup while simultaneously banning them like they've done with multiple fans in the league already.