Portland, OR - According to inside sources, tonight's CONCACAF Champions League game against Deportivo Saprissa is a golden opportunity for Timbers fan Paul Anderson to test out his recollection of remedial Spanish that he learned at Wilson High School over 18 years ago.
"I'm pretty certain that I'm going to recall everything correctly, but I'm also going to ensure that I drink a lot before starting to swear at players in Spanish," stated Anderson to The Nutmeg News.
While fully aware that no player will likely hear his prodigious voice, Anderson stated that the effort was still necessary as he claimed, "I'd be letting my team down if I didn't try to cobble together a phrase about how dishonorable a players mother is, in Spanish." Anderson also claimed that he would start with some innocent swears, like pendejo, as a warm up and move on to more forceful language if necessary.
"I know there are words that I'm not supposed to say, but I can't remember if that is the word with the A in it or the word with the O in it. Either way, I'm sure it will all work out. This is going to be fun."
The Nutmeg News spoke to the fans that stand around Mr Anderson and they claim that his ability to drunkenly make a scene is on another level.
"I am absolutely terrified for tonight," stated Robert Barahona. "I'm already planning on having to break up fights over what is perceived that he said. The only thing worse than Paul trying to swear in Spanish is all the other fans around him that have no clue what he just said, are drunk them-self and misunderstand his swears as something terrible. God help us all"
The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Anderson quickly uses an online website that reportedly gives him the, "10 Spanish phrases you aren't supposed to say," in preparation for tonight's game.