Liverpool, England - Liverpool Football Club player and persistently injured medical test patient Daniel Sturridge today celebrated his 26th birthday by straining his calf 26 times and being carried of the field.
"I wanted to celebrate my birthday in a very realistic way," said Sturridge "So I did some long stretches and ran out onto the practice field to play. I then strained for an over hit pass, felt my calf go, felt my hamstrings implode and fell to the ground awaiting the stretcher off the field. Once the medical staff came to get me, they took me to the tent, gave me some cake, rubbed some horse placenta on my feet and then sang Happy Birthday to me. It was great."
"Some people want to bike a kilometer for each year of their life, or buy an extravagant gift. I just wanted to celebrate by straining my calf the same number of years that I've been alive. It was tough to pull off but we did it!"
While Sturridge may be facing another long layoff on the sideline he isn't bitter about this possibility.
"Look, I get paid no matter what. Also, you guys get to figure out if Rodgers is staying or going. By the time I get back on the field we may have a new coach. Good luck with all that stuff. In the mean time I'm going to get back to playing video games and running on a zero gravity treadmill, when they give me the OK for physical activity again."