MLS Journalists Begin Work On Columns Rebutting Criticism Of The MLS All Star Game

The collection of national and local journalists that report on Major League Soccer (MLS) began their annual rebuttal in columns and on twitter to criticisms of the Major League Soccer All Star Game sponsored by Cash Grab Banks and Money Lending. 

"You expect us to criticize a free trip, a great party, easy headlines, interviews with international players and the ability to party for a week? Please, the MLS All Star Game is the best thing that has ever happened to me" said reporter for the Washington Post, Dick Wittinger. "This is the golden assignment. No one cares about the result, the game exists as a way to make money and I'll ask some really stupid questions to Harry Kane about which NFL team he supports."

While many fans are now relentless in their criticism of the nationally recognized joke of the MLS All Star Game, reporters see this as a great opportunity to gather together, take pictures and hand in assignments that are typically more in depth on terrible issues than the ones they try to pass off as work for their local teams. 

"I spent the entirety of the ASG in Portland drinking good beer, watching soccer with my friends and then hanging out with Mark Abbot and Sydney Leroux at night. If you think I'm going to complain about that you have another thing coming" said Sports Illustrated columnist Roger Norris. "There's a time and place to stand up for your beliefs and that time is when you argue about your per-diem for ASG week. I don't care if the ASG was settled by a karaoke song contest as long as they continue to throw great parties and I get to chat up the British media about Cristiano Ronaldo."

With the ASG game in Denver this year ESPN reporter David Ribedoux is planning on writing a specific story, "I'm going to interview every Tottenham player about pot stores and legal marijuana in Denver. It'll be a great story. I'll also go one-on-one with Deandre Yedlin about the differences between England and America. It's a story that hasn't been done before. But yeah, Pot Shops. I also plan on making sure that I condescendingly tell fans on twitter that they don't know what they are talking about and that the ASG should be just treated like a fun event. Fans don't know. I know. It's fun. And pot shops, English players. Y'know, fun."

The Nutmeg News will continue to cover this farce as it happens.