NEW YORK - BALON, a new health care service, announced that they would be funding their operation and covering patient deductibles by selling bulk Lionel Messi tickets on the secondary market as they took inspiration from recent events in the news to offer another form of health care coverage in the United States.

“Good news, Doctor. We can close him up now that the Stubhub listings were purchased.”

“We are providing gap coverage that will allow people in the United States to purchase policies that are backstopped by the Messi ticket fund,” stated BALON public relations officer Stacey Harbottle.

Sources with the organization say that they are able to raise millions of dollars by bulk purchasing tickets for away games in which Messi will play and selling them on the secondary market.

“We will be helping the uninsured AND ticketless fan to be able to cover roughly 42% of their upcoming surgeries,” stated Harbottle. “ And our prescription drug coverage offers a flat $10 copay with low coinsurance costs for non-elective surgeries. We feel that we are filling a gap for many people who don’t have good health insurance but also don’t want to owe $150,000 because they had to get a gall bladder removed and very clearly can’t afford to pay the luxury ticket prices to see Lionel Messi play.”

With fans priced out of the Messi ticket bonanza, the sick can rely on the fact that their emergency events will help some anonymous person be able to attend a once in a lifetime game to watch Messi in Chicago, Nashville and beyond.

“I was concerned that my current insurance wouldn’t cover my scheduled c-section,” stated Sandra Evans. “However, with BALON my bill should be reduced from $214,000 to $23,000 split across 26 easy payments with interest over 1 year and Jerry Stevens from Des Moines will be able to see Lionel Messi play for $1600! It’s a win win!”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Twitter users claim this still offers a better medical solution than socialized medicine.