Progressive Rock Loving Red Bulls Fan Attempts to Teach Fellow Supporters 23-Minute, 7-Movement Chant

Harrison, NJ - Supporters indicate that Red Bulls fan and progressive rock lover Gabriel Anderson was in the South Ward before a recent match attempting to teach his newly written song to a group of Empire Supporters.


The “chant” opened with a rendition of Gustav Holst’s classical piece “Mars” before gradually descending into a sprawling, incomprehensible mess of time signatures, key changes, metaphysical lyrics about goal scoring and beer drinking, and at one point, a tubular bell solo over its exhausting 23-minute runtime. Certain that he was going to revolutionize supporter culture, his fellow fans instead could only stand in bewildered silence while he explained how to clap in 13/8 time. The closest the group came to realizing his vision was in the fifth of its seven movements, which built from repetitive whole notes played on a triangle into an atonal cacophony of windchimes.

It was not the first time Anderson had brought a new chant to the supporters. Previous efforts included Rush’s “Tom Sawyer” rewritten about defender Tim Parker, a musique concrète tape loop montage of other supporters groups, and four minutes and 33 seconds of silence that was mistaken for an Iron Front protest.

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Anderson was last seen at a Football Factory trying to rewrite "The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway" as a match-long concept chant, but had only gotten as far as changing "Rael" to "Red Bulls".