NPSL Semi-Finals To Be Decided By Rock Paper Scissors

The National Premier Soccer League indicated that after using a coin flip to decide the recent AFC Ann Arbor v Rochester Lancers Midwest Region Quarterfinal that they would be enforcing a Rock Paper Scissors contest to decide the regional semi-finals across the league.


“The only fair way for teams to advance in this league is through the age old RoChamBeaux tradition,” stated director of competition Harvey Lewis. “I think people have had enough NPSL soccer for one year.”

Insiders with the league stated that the people in charge are just simply tired of actually putting on a soccer tournament and figured this would be an easy way out.

“Does anyone really care anymore,” stated on anonymous NPSL employee. “Why don’t we just convert Major League Soccer to Rock Paper Scissors. They might get better television ratings.”

Players within the NPSL were reportedly upset with the change but coaches have implemented a new training regime of scouting who throws rock and deciding who throws scissors.

“Analytics show us that most players overthink and throw paper. This is a mistake,” stated the goalkeeper coach of Miami FC. “It’s important to remember to cover your base and that’s not a euphemism for throwing paper.”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as the USL looks to trial a new playoff structure involving Stratego.