Philadelphia Union Cap Space Reduced After Master Spreadsheet Is Finally Updated From Forgotten 2-12-19_Union_Cap_Mod3.xlsx Document

Philadelphia, PA - The Philadelphia Union cap space was reduced by $500,000 after an IT professional found out that the master spreadsheet hadn’t been updated correctly since financial analyst Kyle Schroeder created a separate spreadsheet called 2-12-19_Union_Cap_Mod3.xlsx on his old, recently replaced laptop.


Sighing deeply and muttering, “Goddammit,” IT manager Dave Treadwell finally figured out why the current numbers didn’t match the expected budget as he connected the laptop to the network after reading back through his emails to confirm that he asked Mr. Schroeder multiple times if he copied everything off it to his new machine.

“You are lucky we didn’t erase this yet, because we were supposed to wipe everything off this and send the laptop out for recycling,” stated Treadwell to a clueless Schroeder who looked past him with the eyes of a man still fixated on his last Candy Crush level.

After comparing the expected budget charge to the master spreadsheet and realizing the numbers didn’t add up, the financial division of the Union reportedly reached out to the league office only find out they couldn’t help them because they didn’t have any record of what the contracts currently were with the Union. It was then that they reached out to Treadwell in order to see if he could resolve what was clearly an IT issue.

“This is just like when they magically lost the Freddy Adu contract,” stated Treadwell to The Nutmeg News. “You know they asked me to check the JAZZ drive? THE JAZZ DRIVE. God … I… look… I…um…” stated Treadwell as he broke down while holding his head in his hands. “This is why we should use SharePoint. For collaboration and versioning. This could all be avoided with a simple approval workflow and check in/check out enabled.“

According to the Union, everything is fine, now, after a small technical detail that caused a momentary disruption in their core processes. They blamed the issue on an IT issue that was resolved.

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as Treadwell looks at LinkedIN for 30 minutes while he tries to figure out how to use his 15 years of technical expertise to fill out a resume form on a job website.