Fans Get A Blissful Early Release As Season Already Over For Vancouver, San Jose, And Philadelphia

MLS - With the season already over for Vancouver, San Jose, and Philadelphia, the fans of these teams were reportedly elated as they set around to enjoy their spring and summer without the encumbering weight of worrying about results.

“I’m OUT! No more Union games for THIS GUY!”

“I’m OUT! No more Union games for THIS GUY!”

“I was excited for Whitecaps season, but now I’m just excited for mountain-bike season,” stated Whitecaps fan Susan Phạm. “With the season already over after two games, I can finally focus on myself for a year and work on my bike handling skills on the North Shore trails.”

After two games of ritualistic battle, all three of these team finished their season with two straight losses thus proving to their fans that everything is over, the season is at an end and they might as well pack it in.

“I’ve got nothing else to lose so I’m now just winning all the time,” stated Earthquakes fan Dave Hughes. “This is my time to shine. I’m going to get into a fitness program and work out instead of watching the games every weekend. With the money I save on beer and tickets I’m taking a vacation to Cozumel.”

Some Philadelphia fans stated that they would turn their burning intensity towards spring training and the annual disappointment of the Phillies as others turned their focus towards building an intense fantasy board game that revolves around Gritty taking down the patriarchy as a level 99 Palladin.

“Gritty can not be over encumbered due to his size, and he wields a double headed blessed sacred battle axe or something,” stated Game Master Isaac Henderson. “He’s going to take down the fascists one incel at a time.”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this as fans find a second wind on life except for Paul Williams of Surrey, BC who just spends most of the week stewing over all this shit.