USWNT Fan More Concerned With Imagined Relationship Than Actual Relationship

Roanoke, VA - United States Women’s Soccer fan Tabitha Stewart is, reportedly, more concerned with the imagined relationship between National Women’s Soccer League (NWSL) players Tobin Heath and Christen Press than the actual relationship she has with girlfriend Angie Fettering as Stewart ignored the repeated requests to go to a movie on Saturday night so that she could analyze a video that showed Heath and Press hugging for the 232nd time.


“Ang, come look at this again,” stated Stewart to the empty chair that Fettering was sitting in before she left to go to the bathroom. “ANG! WHERE ARE YOU?”

According to friends, Stewart spent the last few months obsessed with the idea that Heath and Press were dating as she started 15 different Instagram accounts that all copy the memes and pictures she self selects to show some kind of purported evidence.

“CLEARLY, CLEARLY you can see them holding hands here. CLEARLY. Look, she’s staring at her as she removes her training top. LOOK. OVER, and then glance…. OVER AND THEN GLANCE……OVER………. AND THEN A GLANCE,” stated Stewart as she frenetically updated her blog

Friends state that Stewart’s passion for the team turned into an obsession with the duo as she stated that she has to be the first person to find definitive proof the two are dating.

“Yeah, I think she’s lost it a bit,” stated good friend Bromwyn Alexander. “I used to go over and watch games with her and Ang, but now she just keeps rewinding insignificant moments and glances that she claims are part of a large conspiracy. Ang asked me to help her talk to Tab, but honestly… no. I’m not getting involved in that.”

For her part, Ms Fettering stated that she thought it was all innocent at first as she claimed, “look at first I thought it was just kinda fun. You know… like just trying to guess who wasn’t out on the team, but …. well… we’ve probably gone on less dates over the past six months than Press, Heath or whomever the two are dating. At this point I need to know if I’m going to have my girlfriend back who can actually go to a bar without updating her Insta page with pictures of the two.”

The Nutmeg News will have more on this after our recent “will they or won’t they” clickbait gossip piece with our updated full page advertising.